One head short and a cut above

Rollin' Rollin' Rollin'

2004-10-22T16:51:00.000-04:00

We're rollin' these doggie on over the Wordherders! So come on over for a visit on the new site- and check out the neighbors!

Teach your children well. Please.

2004-10-22T07:37:00.000-04:00

Amygdala points out that there is precious little discussion about the situation in Darfur, and including virtually no mention of Nicholas Kristof's piece on the situation in Wednesday's NYTimes. (Guilty) It's a short but brutal piece. As Gary Farber points out: Never again!, Indeed.

Possibly even more depressing than the article itself is the window into the minds of America's youth that Kristof posts. More depressing because there is far more in these 'letters' than was probably intended, including, perhaps, an explanation of why nothing ever gets done when actual atrocities are being committed. Kristof posts:

A high school class in Indianapolis was given the assignment of giving President Bush’s response to my columns, asking him why he isn’t doing more on Darfur. Here’s a sampling of the responses – which don’t indicate much sympathy for Darfur:

As the President of the United States, I have been very busy dealing with the war. I have not had time to think about what has been going on over there. It is not as important as what is going on in the U.S.

We have our own problems and don’t have to worry about everyone else’s problems. I don’t want to hear any more about this topic.

Do these monsters need to attack the U.S. before we help? I think we should stand up for the weak and save them from these terrors.

If the Sudan conflict gets more threatening, let our European allies deal with it. At this time, the U.S. does not have the time or resources, due to Iraq and Afghanistan.

Before you start to criticize the president, think about what’s going on here, instead of out there.

I, George Bush, have more things to worry about than some stupid little rebellion over in Sudan. I’m afraid that these students reflect a much broader sentiment in the U.S., and that fundamentally is why we’re not doing more about the genocide.

We're glad to see that one in the middle- a conscience, by God, out there in the wilds of Indiana!- but this listing reminded us of the Sesame Street bit where you had to pick which one of a group "doesn't belong here." We would like to believe that the last one is some sort of nascent, high schooler political satire, but we fear it is not. It made us cry. Literally.

As we've mentioned in previous postings, Oxfam International is doing work in Chad with the refugees, as is Medecins sans frontiers and Care International. They could all use some financial support. You can also write to your senator, congressman or to the White House.

Alternatively, you could try raising your children better. But that's a longer term project. No worries, though, we suspect that the Sudan's problems are long term as well.

Mandate of Heaven Reads: Emporer Naked

2004-10-21T22:10:00.000-04:00

The Spinmeister Alert Today Is:
Begonia*

For reasons beyond our ken John Kerry decided today that he would take an afternoon off from campaigning and saving his aides from certain peril and from tripping on the stairs (we note that no one had enough love for Karl Rove to extend him the same courtesy) to control the local geese population. You'll note, however, from the location he chose for this little jaunt into nature that he seems not to have forgotten Poland after all.

The administration was not long in sending out their own nature lover and killer of water fowl to show the disingenuousness of the Kerry Call of the Wild. The Veep derrided the hunting trip while at a campaign rally in Sylvania, Ohio. Yes, he noted that Kerry wore a new camouflage jacket, having not brought his old one on the campaign trail. Well, we sure think the Veep has a point there: what the hell kind of real fan, er, sportsman buys a brand new hat, er, jacket when he's going to a game, er, on a hunt. The kind looking for a photo-op with Mayor Twin Towers, er, a dead goose, that's who! Perhaps the Veep just knows that it ain't a real hunting trip unless you take along a Supreme Court Justice whose about to hear a case against you. That's how real men hunt foul, er, fowl: recused in a duck blind with your favorite judge.

Speaking of The Sultan of Scare, the Veep went on the Sean Hannity show where he said of his boss: "But he's great about allowing me to sort of stick my oar in wherever I think I can be helpful. Sometimes he asks me to take on specific problems and go solve them for him. And I'm delighted to do all that." We hope that Jon Stewart was watching: because this is what being a "butt boy" really looks like. Before sticking his oar anywhere, however, Hannity gave the Veep the opportunity to refute claims that the GOP is trying to disenfranchise black voters. Cheney answered "It's just fundamentally untrue. It's another one of those lies, distortions. I've tried hard not to use that that word. A clear misrepresentation. Just an out and out effort to scare people." Huh. That's funny. There's those Florida 'felon' rolls, which are mostly black voters. And there is the issue of a GOP official saying the Detroit vote had to be suppressed for a win in Michigan (as opposed to suppressing, say, the predominately white western Michigan vote). And then the shenanigans in Philadelphia in which the GOP attempted to have 63 polling stations in predominately black neighborhoods moved at the last minute. While the Veep is making denials, his own party members on the ground seem to disagree:

"Race played a role in at least five of the requests, according to Matt Robb, the Republican leader of the 48th ward in South Philadelphia. Robb said he allowed his name to be used because those polling places are in neighborhoods he doesn't wish to visit. "It's predominantly, 100 percent black," said Robb, who is white. "I'm just not going in there to get a knife in my back."
Yeah, that is a Philadelphia Republican leader saying he wants to move the polling station out of a black neighborhood to save him and all the other white voters from being killed by those murderous dark skinned people. But race isn't an issue, right Dick?

Schadenfreude is bad for the soul. Still. Today's schadenfreude moment is brought to you by Bill O'Reilly from his new book for kids. "And guys, if you exploit a girl, it will come back to get you. That’s called “karma.” Yeah, Bill, that is just the dictionary definition of karma. Thankfully "falafel" doesn't appear in the index.

Coming hard upon Ron Suskind's really frigging scary article about the Bush administration's rejection of empirically tested reality, Bush ally and 700 club wingnut Pat Robertson felt it necessary to clear the air by confirming that Dubya does, in fact, live in a fantasy world. Robertson told an interviewer on CNN that just before the Iraq invasion he felt compelled to warn Bush that the conflict was going to be messy. (Robertson says God told him so. Uh, yeah. Well common sense told us. We kinda think that medication might help with the voices, but whatever). Bush's answer? "Oh, no, we're not going to have any casualties."

Oh, no, we're not going to have any casualties. First of all, anyone out there who said Bush didn't "mean" it when he said, post-9/11, that the war on terror was a "crusade" will kindly go eat their own shoe. Next up, one wonders how he reconciles that pre-invasion MASH note from The Big Guy with the mounting casualties that just keep happening in the real world.

But what the hell do we know? We're part of the "reality-based community." Apparently we should just sit back and listen to the White House Chia Pet, Scott McClellan when he tells us "Of course the president never made such a comment." Of course. Because the PoTUS has such a long history of having any clue about what the hell is going on outside of the bubble.

What gives us extra willies is that despite Robertson saying he "wished Mr. Bush would acknowledge his mistake," he continued to say about Bush: "I think God's blessing him, and I think it's one of those things that, even if he stumbles and messes up — and he's had his share of goofs and gaffes — I just think God's blessing is on him," Robertson said. "And you remember, I think the Chinese used to say, you know, it's the blessing of heaven on the emperor. And I think the blessing of heaven is on Bush. It's just the way it is."

Yes, Pat Robertson thinks Dubya has the mandate of heaven. Check it out Pat, you're right that China's emperors used to claim to have the mandate of heaven. But look where it got them: commiepinkoland. So cut that shit out, okay?

In a completely unsurprising move, Walmart has decided to pull Jon Stewart's best selling mock text books from their shelves when they discovered there were naked bodies shown inside. Because no one that shops at Walmart lives in the corporeal world, and they were afraid that if their employees opened the books to the page purporting to show nude supreme court justices the sight would cause them to burst into flames.

Finally, this is almost funny enough to make us watch television. Almost.

* All Spinmeister Alert colors for the last two weeks of campaigning will be filched from the color names for underpants found in a certain catalog.

Red Sox!!! Whoo-hoo!!

2004-10-21T19:23:00.000-04:00

Whooo!!! Yankees suck!!!! Whooo-hoo!!!

Okay, now the agony begins anew.... Oh, will it be 1986 all over again? We can't take it! Put us down quickly, please, have mercy....

Reality-based community cries uncle

2004-10-20T21:53:00.000-04:00

Today Bush said that Kerry doesn't understand the war on terror. But according to an article in last Sunday's NYT Magazine by Ron Suskind, Bush and his administration don't understand reality. More to the point, they don't believe in it:

"In the summer of 2002, after I had written an article in Esquire that the White House didn't like about Bush's former communications director, Karen Hughes, I had a meeting with a senior adviser to Bush. He expressed the White House's displeasure, and then he told me something that at the time I didn't fully comprehend -- but which I now believe gets to the very heart of the Bush presidency.

The aide said that guys like me were ''in what we call the reality-based community,'' which he defined as people who ''believe that solutions emerge from your judicious study of discernible reality.'' I nodded and murmured something about enlightenment principles and empiricism. He cut me off. ''That's not the way the world really works anymore,'' he continued. ''We're an empire now, and when we act, we create our own reality. And while you're studying that reality -- judiciously, as you will -- we'll act again, creating other new realities, which you can study too, and that's how things will sort out. We're history's actors . . . and you, all of you, will be left to just study what we do.''

Yes, you did read that right: one of PoTUS's top aides is claiming not only that the Bush administration doesn't have to bow to empirical reality, he is claiming that they freaking control it. This is like the lost chapter from Orwell's 1984. If you aren't peeing your pants in fear right now you might want to go find a defibraltor, because we think maybe your heart has stopped beating. Regardless, click to the link and read Suskind's article right now.

Market Adjustments

2004-10-20T21:18:00.000-04:00

Couple of burps on the market made us raise an eyebrow. Seems that Sinclair Broadcasting's stock plummeted in response to their decision to air the anti-Kerry film. When they decided today not to air it in its entirety (to avoid FCC penalites for an illegal campaign donation) the stock shot back up. Huh. Meanwhile, Deibold, maker of touch screen no paper trail voting machines, whose owner told a GOP fundraiser audience that he would deliver Ohio to the PoTUS, took some pretty serious losses. In a year when states are buying machines to be up to standards with HAVA. It's almost like the market is self-regulating. Except not so much. Mostly because we doubt it's the Robber Barons who'll be feeling this one. More likely it's the employees of Diebold who just got laid off that'll feel this adjustment.

The Spinmeister Alert Today Is:
Luscious Rose

Cause the spinning is just gonna keep on coming. As are the attorneys. Actually, we think that there must be some concern going on in Bushworld, cause they've sent out Condi Rice of the Magical Helmet Hair to mesmerize the masses, convincng the lumpenproletariat that they're all not nearly as loony as you suspect they are, and that they like black people. (When they have oil tankers named after them). We wonder if things are not, in fact, say coming to pieces? We only ask because it kind of looks like something is going to pieces from this picture of Karl Rove throwing himself beneath the wheels of a plane. Maybe he got a glimpse of reality? (Hat tip to Wonkette)

Well your great aunt Edna isn't the only one who won't get a flu shot this year. Seems the vaccines will be by-passing army bases as well. We think we detect a war plan here: they'll win the war on terror by sending flu infected soldiers and their blankets to Iraq. We know this worked really well in the sixteenth century, but that was a) the clap and b) its seems doubtful that the Iraqis are working with the evolutionarily isolated immune systems of, say, Hispanola circa 1510. Nice try, though.

Bush wants to be the 'Ownership' President- but we're a little confused about who he means the owners to be. Apparently not anyone who might need help getting the dough together to buy a house. But mortage debt isn't so bad, says Alan Greenspan. So we guess we're supposed to just suck it up and overextend ourselves into an $800,000 shack in Berkeley. And while we're at it, why not get a few more student loans? You'll be taking out more if you're at a public university. Because public university educations are like a jobs program if you think about it. As long as you have a job to pay for the rising tuition. Debt- it's the American Way!

Looks like being informed on the issues, as opposed lost in a sea of partisan hackery, means you might be more likely to vote for Kerry. But if you're a kid you're also apparently more likely to vote for Kerry- perhaps because you are able to escape the sea of partisan hackery. Of course, being a grown up doesn't mean you are more likely to act like one.

We know that the polls are just bunk, but we must admit to be addicted to Electoral Vote. We are glad to find we are not alone. Someday, when all this election stuff is over, we'll organize a support group or whatever. In the meantime, check our New Mexico.

And finally, the tragedy of Candyfloss Lord Milton. And we thought Best in Show was a mockumentary. Does this mean Nigel Tufnel is out there sniffing the glove?

The Dictators Weigh In

2004-10-19T19:25:00.000-04:00

The Spinmeister Alert Today Is:
Rhubarb

Oh, the spin machine must be spinning and spinning, because people, despite the fact that there are US Generals are saying Baghdad needs another 10,000 police officers (think may be a late addition to yesterday's theme of shortages), the head of Care International's Baghdad office has been kidnapped, and that recent analysis says that the wealth gap between white families and black and Hispanic families has grown, we're still hearing all about Mary Cheney. You would think that Kerry had said the woman has sex with goats for money the way these people are carrying on. Is anyone paying attention to the fact that Brent Scowcroft, the national security advisor under Poppy Bush, has made public note of the son's shortfalls in the foreign policy area? Well he did. Bush camp response? Dick Cheney again said that a Kerry election would result in "terrorists bombing US cities." This just a day after Bush said Kerry was using "shameless scare tactics" in his campaign speeches. Golly, if saying "elect my opponent and die" isn't a shameless scare tactic, we're kind of afraid of what a shameless scare tactic would look like. Does he think Kerry kills a kitten on stage and then says 'vote for me or the dog gets it next'?

Meanwhile Sinclair broadcasting has fired their Washington bureau chief for voicing a criticism of their decision to broadcast the anti-Kerry sock-you-mentary, "Stolen Honor: Wounds That Never Heal". (Which maybe should be retitled: Lost Sanity: The Grudge that can never be Let Go) Glad to see that "media" outlets are being run like BC04 campaign rallies. Guess he must be giving succor to the enemy, as they say. Who needs the First Amendment when we can have Dubya?

Oh yes, and Bush has gained a new supporter- Putin has weighed in as a Dubya man for the election. Too bad the polls in Moscow seem to be closed. Especially if you want democratic polls that allow you to vote for governor. It's good to see the world's dictators out there, getting into the swing of things. We wonder how the rest of the dictators will fall out between now and Nov. 2nd. Gaddhafi? Probably pro-Bush- after all, Dubya keeps touting the Libyan strongman 's re-entry into the market system as a Dubya 'win' so why shouldn't Mohmar? Burma's General Than Shwe? Well, the General's a real with-us-or-against-us kinda guy, so we figure they might see eye to eye on some things. Besides, BC04 sent some much needed (especially with the embargo!) cash flowing the way of the Orwellian military dictatorship when they had some Made in Burma campaign gear made up. But Kim Jong Il- that's all Nader/Camejo, baby.

And please, the voter registration shenanigans have just got to stop. Problems with destroyed Democratic registration applications in Oregon and Nevada, while Ohio has crackheads registering Mary Poppins. Don't these idiots realize that Julie Andrews is British? Seriously, this is just disgusting. Is this Nigeria? Is this Cambodia? Is this Haiti? One stolen election andthis is what our democracy has come to? Partisan disenfranchisement and crackheads registering imaginary characters? Thank you, to the Commander in Thief, for showing us that our democracy is, in fact, a house of fucking cards. It must be heartening in Zimbabwe to know that we have something in common.

By the way, if you have the sinking feeling that your neighbors, co-workers, friends and acquaintences might not have that good of a handle on the issues of the campaign, well, you're right. We're betting that Tennessee is probably representative. Hap tip to The Votemaster for this one.

In response to Jon Stewart pointing out that the Crossfire crew are partisan hacks who refuse to actually engage in discourse or provide useful information to the people who watch their show while still pretending to have a useful role, James Carville said yesterday that Stewart was a "pompous ass" for attacking Ted Koppel. We assume we missed that part of the interview, though we think it's curious that "Ted Koppel" appears nowhere in the transcript from last Friday's show. We think James Carville is a pompous ass in general for being on Crossfire. Robert Novak noted that he didn't think Stewart was funny, but that he did think he was uninformed. It's funny, because we think Jon Stewart is hilarious and obviously well informed. But then again, we also think Robert Novak is an asshole. We also think that The Poor Man has inaugurated the best title for Tucker Carlson, besting even Stewart's "big dick" call. We are still chuckling.

Because Tucker Carlson IS a Dick

2004-10-18T21:18:00.000-04:00

If you haven't already seen it you should head over to Random Foo to check out the Daily Show's Jon Stewart on Crossfire. It is great to watch because 1) those of us left on this planet whose brains have not been sucked out by the onslaught of mindnumbing Britney Spears videos, "Survivor," Fox "News" and the partisan hackery that passes for "journalism" have been saying the same thing Stewart says for ages, we just say it to our mothers, partners, friends and pets; 2) he means it. Really. 3) Tucker Carlson is a dick, and it needed to be said. The fashion-challenged Carlson wasted no time confirming that he is, in fact, a total weenie, by trying to recast (some might say spin) the entire interlude. Listen, Tucker, you're thirty-five years old and my grandfather has more flavah than you. You look like someone who should be selling ice cream from a white van circa 1952. Clearly the reason why no one actually debates on your show is that you can't take someone with a brain who is actually invested in what they are saying. Besides, how can anyone be taken seriously on a show that actually pays money to Robert Novak?

The Spinmeister Alert Today Is:
Lemon Yellow

Other than Tucker Carlson, the spin was just humming along as usual. The theme today seemed to be shortages. Seems a top commander over at the Pentagon complained last winter that the troop shortages were causing problems in Iraq. Could that be the same troop sho rtages Paul Bremer was talking about and then tried to pretend it wasn't as bad as he said it was? Hmmm. Seems like there is also too much work and not enough man- and woman-power in police departments such as the perpetually alerted DC area. Wonder if the shortage there has anything to do with reservists, who are disproportionately represented in police and fire departments, being called up for duty in Iraq in response to shortages there... Speaking of shortages, have you seen the lines for flu shots? Whoo-wee. If you aren't over 95 with a compromised immune system, your best bet to deal with the shortage is the lottery.

Speaking of shortages, Bush today accused Kerry of using scare tactics. Which tells us that somebody in the Bush camp reads the Sunday Times. But, uh, guys, it was your Veep who said that if your opponent wins we risk a "devastating" terrorist attack. Nothing scary about that, eh? So we're thinking shortage of memory.

Seems undecided voters are a 'mystery.' And not just because one wonders how they could have held out this long.

Already problems with voting in Florida. Not only is Florida already having problems, but it seems that a Republican group in Nevada and Oregon who were registering new voters may have destroyed registration cards filled out by people who checked Democrat. Not only is this unconscionable, it's also a felony. Glad to see the GOP working hard to set the standard. We would roll our eyes, but watching our democracy get trampled on is too depressing even for cynicism. Looks like this election will be a doozy.

Shock and amazement! Seems that the Texas high court might have something to say about Mr. Delay's redrawing of district maps. Not Mr. Delay! My, my, my, but he has just such a perfect record.

The "filmmakers" who put together the anti-Kerry sock-you-mentary that will be airing on Sinclair networks have been slapped with a libel suit. And not from someone in the Kerry camp. We're shocked, shocked! We never would have guessed.

Dubya may think that things are going better in Iraq- but there seem to be some soldiers who beg to differ.

Kerry warns of Social Security privitization. Bush denies this is what he plans. We wonder if he can explain what he means when he says he wants an "ownership society" where 'young people' will pay into their private social security accounts? Funny how the sound comes out even when his lips aren't moving, innit?

Hmmm. It took three decades to track this guy down. Must be because he was so inconspicuous.

Britney Spears announced today that she will be taking some time off from being a vacuous pop star. She left us with these words of wisdom: "My prerogative right now is to just chill and let all of the other overexposed blondes on the cover of Us Weekly be your entertainment .... good luck girls!"

Yeah.

Weekend Roundup

2004-10-17T20:50:00.000-04:00

Election to be scrutinized for irregularities. That's a headline in the LATimes- not about Afghanistan, and not about Iraq, but about the US. We guess with elections it's once stolen, twice shy.

Kofi Annan says the Iraq war has not made the world any safer. We had a sneaking suspicion, but were confused by all the claims to the contrary coming out of the WH. Of course, Kofi reads the paper a little more often, so we figure he probably has a better handle on these things.

So as Dubya plans to keep the "tax-breaks-for-the-lower-and-middle-class-even-though-they-
only-actually-get-14%-of-the-money-and-people-in-the-top-10%-get-53%
-of-the-money," we have often wondered how he would pay for all the regime changin' going on. You can only cut Head Start and the No Child Left Behind Act so many times. And it will only yield up so much. To put it into perspective: the costs about entire US public school system are about $50 billion a year. The Iraq war alone (ie not including Afghanistan) so far has a price tag of $120 billion. So if he shut down the entire public school system, there would still be $70 billion shortage for paying to get a really embarassing picture of Saddam. How's he gonna pay for that since no one making above $150K will be ponying up? Well, there's been a lot of discussion of a federal sales tax. The list of reasons why we think this would be a stunningly bad and unjust idea is too long to ennumerate. The top couple of reasons look like this: 1) the Federal Government (and society) recognize that there are people who are living in dire poverty, and who cannot pay taxes and eat. These people do not have their meager incomes taxed. A federal sales tax would, in effect, tax those society has deemed so poor as to be untaxable. This will take food our of the mouths of children. 2) Did you like your extra $200 from Dubya last year? Do you like it so much that you would rather pay $3000 back? A very interesting breakdown of what this tax would mean in the NYTimes today.

You know that medicare drug card that Dubya's always pushing? The AMA says there should be negotiating over the price paid for the drugs. We agree.

Everybody running for prez wants you to be scared.

We hope San Francisco can work out the hitch on instant run-offs in elections. We'd like to see this go national. It's on our list with Get Rid of the Frigging Electoral College and No Voting Machines Without A Paper Trail.

Speaking of dodgy voting practices and the useless electoral college, some of the supreme court clerks who worked the Election Theft 2000 have started talking. Seems they are saying that 5-4 ruling that out Dubya in office instead of the guy who won the popular vote was sixteen different kinds of partisan manipulation. We're shocked. Oh, so shocked.

What we really are shocked about is that Jeb Bush ignored advice to throw out the tainted "felon" lists for this year's election. Yes, the same disenfranchisement tactics are in play as were in 2000. Not exactly a surprise since Katherine Harris, partisan hack extraordinaire still has her job. But really, this gets the weekend Shameless Award. Of course, the Justice Department will probably be too busy being overwhelmed by complaints about voting machines to pay much attention.

Illegal to screen protestors. Now they just have to point out that it's illegal to bar citizens from public campaign rallies.

GOP dollars in 527s overtakes the Dems. Funny that. Looks like more Not So Swift Grudgeholders on a television near you.

You'll be delighted to know that $700,000 of your tax money went to a PR firm to rate media coverage of the No Child Left Behind Act. Well, we're sure glad those spendthrift liberals aren't in office!

Karl Rove had to give closed testimony in the Valerie Plame (the CIA officer who was outed by Robert Novak) case. We find this whole case baffling-- so far two reporters have been held in contempt for not revealing their sources (NYTimes' Judith Miller and Time's Matt Cooper). Cooper later revealed that he'd spoken with Scooter Libbey. We don't feel huge sympathy for Miller, who played a role in hyping the WMD story for the administration and has refused to apologize for her inaccurate "reporting", however, not feeling a lot of sympathy does not preclude us from feeling more than a triffle concerned. People are being charged and held in contempt for refusing the reveal sources. Scaring reporters who might have an important story that implicates people in power, and scaring people who might want to act as anonymous sources, is a really efficient way of shutting down dissent. Furthermore, Miller did some investigation on the story- but never reported it. So why the hell is Novak walking free when he outed Valerie Plame in print? Stinks like three day old fish to us.

Oh yeah, and Dubya's buddy Vladimir Putin is really making some democratic inroads. In a dictatorial kind of way. "The Kremlin is increasing its stranglehold over political debate in Russia by getting pro-presidential deputies to introduce laws making it harder for smaller political parties to register." Next he'll propose an electoral college. Of course the Russians were one of two (the Israelis being the other) countries whose citizens were polled on American election preferences who chose Bush. The other eight had an average 68% giving the nod to Kerry. But who needs England, Australia, Canada, Japan, South Korea, Spain, Mexico and France? It's only our closest neighbors and some of our closest allies.

Estimates of 70,000 dead in Sudan. Okay, it's been called a genocide- a step up from the Rwandan disaster. Can we do something now? If you're interested in helping, Oxfam is doing work there.

Speaking of doing something-- anyone remember Haiti? Nice work on the coup, Mr. Prez, and glad to see you following the long tradition of interference rather than assistance. They could use some help that doesn't involve overthrowing their troubled but elected president. The hurricanes hit even harder than the extra-legal activities. Again, if you're interested, World Vision is at work trying to clean up the mess.

Falafel anyone?

2004-10-15T20:22:00.000-04:00

We have figured out why it is that the pollsters don't worry about whether or not they are reaching us cell-phone-only types. Because we're all gonna die of brain tumors apparently. A heartening thought. We recommend an earbud.

The Spinmeister Alert Today Is:
Flaming Fuschia

Here is today's spin: Mary Cheney, daughter of Dick and Lynne, is gay. Yes, she is gay. And it's all John Kerry's fault. Because 7 our of 10 terrorist dentists plan to vote for Kerry. The commiepinko who wants to turn the government into a health care gulag where you will be forced to visit your state senator for medical treatment. Yes, if Kerry had not chosen a trial lawyer for his running mate, then the word lesbian would never have been uttered in the Cheney household.

Kerry shouldn't have brought up the Veep's daughter's sexual orientation. Poor taste. But cheese'an'rice, you would have thought he had suggested everyone eat babies for breakfast from the firestorm afterwards. This only works as an "insult" if being queer is "bad." Which, for those who think being queer is an abomination (in the Biblical sense), it clearly is. Like Alan Keyes, for example, the carpetbagger wingnut the GOP shipped to Illinois to run against Obama Barack. Keyes says that being queer is all about 'selfish hedonism,' and specifically stated the Mary Cheney was by definition a selfish hedonist. The rest of us find a lack of logic here, mostly because the last time we were ever placed in a situation where queer= insult was when Darcy Maunsel told us we were "so gay". In the third grade.

"George W. Bush presents conservatives with a fundamental challenge: Do they believe in anything other than power?" Short answer: No. Long answer? Here.

Looks like Dubya's asking for more UK troops being deployed to the problems areas. Making up for Poland pulling out? Glad there's that "grand coalition". Or maybe he just got sick of hearing Kerry point out the 90% of the casualties are US.

And he's coming down hard on everyone involved with the Abu Ghraib scandal. Lyndie England is going to get court marshaled, but the boss man is getting an extra star. Now that's what we call "taking responsibility." Maybe next he'll promote the guy who was supposed to be keeping an eye on the nuclear facilities. Way to keep those nuclear materials out of the hands of terrorists! (That would be reason number 47 for "why we invaded Iraq". Looks like it's back to the drawing board. Again.) Explains why Iraq is requesting the UN IAEA inspectors come back. The ones the Bush administration said weren't getting the job done. Except that now it seems they were. Until they were pulled out. And the administration "took over." I'm sure there were journalists ready to cover the story, but it seems many of them were too busy being abused. Guess it prevents anyone from meeting with Deep Throat. Speaking of promotions, who's going to be getting one over in the accounting office for the unbalanced Iraq books?

The Bush administration has decided against supporting the UN statement on women's rights. 85 other countries signed on to women's right to an education and health care. Dubya would apparently rather see women in Afghanistan remain uneducated and without access to health care than to see them be able to make decisions on family planning. China, Indonesia and Pakistan signed on. Yes, Pakistan. The Saudis must have been too busy dealing with the spike in terrorism to sign.

O'Reilly claims his desire to combine a love for middle eastern cuisine with phone sex was not sexual harassment. We quote our dear and learned friend, Miss A: "I am totally grossed out at the falafel as sex toy motif. Falafel is pure innocent love!"

Bush on the economy: Kerry is a tax and spend liberal, which is why we have a record deficit. Black is white. Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength...

Worried about election integrity? You should be.

The Christian Coalition has produced a "voter education" guide, which is claims is non-partisan. (Bwah!) "The guides provide positions on such issues as "unrestricted abortion on demand," "adoption of children by homosexuals," "permanent elimination of the death tax," "federal firearms registration and licensing of gun owners," "affirmative action programs that provide preferential treatment," "allowing younger workers to invest a portion of their Social Security tax in a private account" and several other tax proposals. The only international issue mentioned is "placing U.S. troops under United Nations control." Looks like somebody has been reading those Left Behind books! Oh yes, the United Nations is really Satan's Army, and if you vote for Kerry your son will be forced to fight for The Dark Lord! We'd better pray for the rapture! " Roberta Combs, coalition president, said the guides were an attempt to educate voters and "I don't think the wording is loaded at all." Oh Roberta, are you worried that telling lies will get you 'left behind'?

Golly I'm so glad there is a separation between church and state!

We like the BC04's new slogan.

Alien Invasions

2004-10-14T19:23:00.000-04:00

The Spinmeister Alert Today Is:
(Red) Hotter'n Alabama Asphalt in July

The debate portion of our show has now come to a close, but we feel the need to make a couple of small notations. First of all, mistakes were made all around. But only one candidate lost control of his salivary glands.

On the opening question Kerry noted that Bush has said he wasn't concerned about Osama bin Forgotten's whereabouts. Bush got snarky, saying "Gosh, I just don't think I ever said I'm not worried about Osama bin Laden. It's kind of one of those exaggerations." Too bad for Dubya that Kerry quoted him verbatim from a March 13, 2002 press conference. Gosh, I just don't think you're right about that. It's kind of one of those fuck-ups.

Next up was the question about the shortage of flu shots. So why don't we have 'em? "Bob, we relied upon a company out of England" Hey, are you disparaging our brave allies Mr. Bush? Tell that to Tony Blair! Tell that to Silvio Berlusconi! Tell that to Aleksander Kwasniewski! Oh sorry, wrong stump speech.

Well, how are you gonna fix it Mr. Bush? "We're working with Canada to hopefully -- that they'll produce a -- help us realize the vaccine necessary to make sure our citizens have got flu vaccinations during this upcoming season." Canada? Is it safe to get drugs from Canada? Because you see, "what my worry is is that, you know, it looks like it's from Canada, and it might be from a third world. "

Kerry got to play the fiscal conservative, stating that "During the 1990s, we had pay-as-you-go rules. If you were going to pass something in the Congress, you had to show where you are going to pay for it and how. " In response the PoTUS decided to invent a new term: "He talks about PAYGO. I'll tell you what PAYGO means, when you're a senator from Massachusetts, when you're a colleague of Ted Kennedy, pay go means: You pay, and he goes ahead and spends."

First of all, paygo? The gratuitous Massachusetts + Ted Kennedy reference means the PoTUS is drowning here. (And PS as the head of the senate Dick Cheney is technically a "colleague" of Ted Kennedy) Mostly we think this is because if Kerry's economic plan is "paygo", then Bush's is "your grandkids pay and I go to the bank to make a deposit in Haliburton's account."

Mid-debate BS moment: Bush says "I went to Washington to solve problems."

On the archbishops telling their congregations that voting for Kerry is a sin (yeah, much worse than greed or gluttony or sloth. Voting for Kerry was the 8th mortal sin. They just ran out of room when they were writing them down), Bush's answer was "I think it's important to promote a culture of life. I think a hospitable society is a society where every being counts and every person matters." Huh. Every being? What about all those people on death row in Texas? Did they "matter"? Guess we have a different definition of what a "being" is.

When asked "Who bears responsibility for (rising health care costs)? Is it the government? Is it the insurance companies? Is it the lawyers? Is it the doctors? Is it the administration?"

Answer? BUSH: Gosh, I sure hope it's not the administration.

No comment necessary.

On how to pay for his health care coverage Kerry began by noting that "Well, two leading national news networks have both said the president's characterization of my health-care plan is incorrect. One called it fiction. The other called it untrue." Bush took the opportunity to bash CBS. "In all due respect, I'm not so sure it's credible to quote leading news organizations about -- oh, nevermind. " Guess who won't be invited to dinner at Bob Schieffer's house?

In a moment of clarity Bush said "There is a problem for our youngsters, a real problem. And if we don't act today, the problem will be valued in the trillions." And he wasn't even talking about his welfare for the wealthy tax breaks.

Bald-faced lie of the debate award goes to the PoTUS for this stinker: "He talks about middle-class tax cuts. That's exactly where the tax cuts went. Most of the tax cuts went to low- and middle-income Americans. And now the tax code is more fair. Twenty percent of the upper-income people pay about 80 percent of the taxes in America today because of how we structured the tax cuts."

Let's see. The top 10% got 53% of the money handed back in tax cuts. The bottom 60% got 14% of the money handed back in tax cuts. That's what "most of the tax cuts went to the low- and middle-income Americans" looks like? Quoting the WP: "According to an August report by the nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office, Bush's tax cuts have shifted federal tax payments from the richest Americans to a wide swath of middle-class families. The effective federal tax rate of the top 1 percent of taxpayers has fallen from 33.4 percent to 26.7 percent, a 20 percent drop. In contrast, the middle 20 percent of taxpayers -- whose incomes averaged $51,500 in 2001 -- saw their tax rates drop 9.3 percent. The poorest taxpayers saw their taxes fall 16 percent." There's a word for this... it's, uh, it's... oh yeah. Shameless.

When asked about raising the minimum wage the PoTUS bobbed, weaved and then went to education. Wha...? Mr. Bush, should we raise the minimum wage? "But let me talk about what's really important for the worker you're referring to. And that's to make sure the education system works. It's to make sure we raise standards. " Uh, actually, the worker making minimum wage really cares about whether or not the hourly wage is going to remain stagnant at $5.15/hour as it has been for nine years, or if it's going up to $7/hour as Kerry proposes. What does raising K-12 standards have to do with minimum wage for adults? "Listen, the No Child Left Behind Act is really a jobs act when you think about it. The No Child Left Behind Act says, "We'll raise standards."

NCLB is a jobs act when we think about it? Okay, let's think about it.... We thought about it. It's not a jobs act. It's swell that standards for K-12 are going to be raised (especially if you bothered to fund it), but check it out: K-12 standards are not a jobs act for a woman in her forties. Is the PoTUS suggesting that is a 42 year old man in Dayton go back to fourth grade to take advantage of the NCLB Act as a "jobs program"?

"But in return for extra spending, we now want people to measure -- states and local jurisdictions to measure to show us whether or not a child can read or write or add and subtract." Well watch this: we can add and subtract, too. $7.00 minus $5.15 = $1.85/hour. That's what the PoTUS is denying anybody working minimum wage.

Of course, perhaps he has a plan after all. That $5.15/hour is sure better for the corporation than having to pay $7/hour. And, as Bush pointed out when asked about immigration, "If you can make 50 cents in the heart of Mexico, for example, or make $5 here in America, $5.15, you're going to come here if you're worth your salt, if you want to put food on the table for your families." Suddenly makes those temporary worker cards come into focus.

"I remember a lady in Houston, Texas, told me, "Reading is the new civil right," and she's right." Reading is the new civil right? What year is it? 1854? Frederick Douglass has been dead for more than a century!

Moment of clarity when PoTUS says "You cannot solve a problem unless you diagnose the problem. " You can say that again. It's kind of like you can't solve a problem when you refuse to answer the question.

For example, when the moderator asks "you had never said whether you would like to overturn Roe v. Wade. So I'd ask you directly, would you like to?" And you answer:

BUSH: What he's asking me is, will I have a litmus test for my judges? And the answer is, no, I will not have a litmus test. I will pick judges who will interpret the Constitution, but I'll have no litmus test.

?? Actually, what he asked was "would you like to overturn Roe v. Wade." See how that works? He says "would you like to overturn Roe v. Wade", and what he's asking you, "directly", is "would you like to overturn Roe v. Wade."

When asked why he didn't do more to get the ban on assualt weapons renewed, the PoTUS said he was for "backdown checks". What's a backdown check? Is that when you ask to buy an assault weapon and the clerk says no, if you backdown you're out of luck?

Last question was totally silly, and Bob Schieffer should hang his head in shame.

In other news, it appears that the GOP has come clean about the box on Bush's back. He's an alien. While there is a certain comfort in knowing that it is not actually a transmitter for the PoTUS to get debating instructions from Karl Rove, it is a little disconcerting. I mean, this is an example of an alien race smart enough to figure out how to successfully complete long distance space travel? Somebody must be doing too many bong hits over at NASA, man, cause if this guy can do it we really should of been further ahead on this thing.

Loofa mitts will never be the same. Thanks O'Reilly. Jerk.

2004-10-13T19:13:00.000-04:00

We don't mean to gloat but we're happy to see that the issue of cell phones and the sketchiness of polls has finally found a place at the Associated Press.

The Spinmeister Alert Today Is:
Mustard Yellow

The turntables are on 33rpm today, one assumes in preparation for this evening's debate. There was a piece that popped up in the WP noting that the spin that has been put out there on Kerry's health care plan is what they call "not entirely accurate." Translation: buncha hooey. "Fact sheets provided by the Bush campaign offered little evidence for these and other accusations beyond excerpts from such conservative forums as the Wall Street Journal editorial page and the Weekly Standard." Ooooh, that damned "liberal" media!

Meanwhile, James Baker, whom the media has taken to calling the Bush family consigliere, is working on Dubya's plan to convince the world that they should forgive Iraqi debt. Being that this is one of the few areas where we and the Bush administration have a little overlap (we're more on the we need to look at all developing world debt because it kills thousands and thousands of people every year, not just the countries that have become our colonies and whose debt might go to us mode of things, but there is a little overlap), we were rather disturbed (and perturbed) if not surprised to hear that Mr. Baker has figured out a way to make a buck out of it. While he's trying to convince everyone else that they should forgive the debt, he's representing Kuwait's claim to be paid its $27 billion in Iraqi debt. In real estate deals you aren't allowed to represent both the buyer and the seller without full disclosure, and even then it is not recommended. Why are there more controls on the sale and purchase of a used trailer home than there is for the exchange and forgiveness of billions of dollars?

Worried about those voting machines? You should be. Especially if you live in Florida.

Oh yes, and Mr. Delay seems to have wasted no time in circling the wagons. The response to his being admonished three times (and admonishing is pretty wimpy considering) by the House Ethics Committee was not contrition or even apology. Delay is accused of some serious stuff- including bribery- and he has so far gotten off with a slap on the wrist. GOP response? Threats apparently. "House ethics committee Chairman Joel Hefley (R-Colo.) said last week that Republican lawmakers have threatened him in the wake of his panel’s recent admonishments of House Majority Leader Tom DeLay". We'd try to say something snarky, but really, this is just appalling.

Finally, we know that schadenfreude is bad for the soul, but is it schadenfreude to feel satisfaction when the hypocrisy of someone who takes delight in schadenfreude is outed? It probably is. And on some level our souls are sad. But there is some satisfaction in Bill O'Reilly being sued for sexual harassment. Mostly we're just grossed out by the detailed shower fantasy and the apparently fulfilled Thai sex show fantasy. Glad to see spokesmen for the "Right" living upstanding moral lives that steer well clear of things like prostitution and human trafficking. Setting good examples and the like.

Last debate tonight-- domestic issues.

The Propaganda Front

2004-10-12T21:06:00.000-04:00

The Spinmesiter Alert Today Is:
Fuschia

Because what else could it be when you not only have an entire media propaganda channel, but when all the stations owned by a sychophantic follower or three forces numerous "news" outlets to show a sock-you-mentary bashing your opponent? We call that SuperSpinCycle. Who needs news when you can have propaganda?

Just in time for tomorrow night's debate, Paul Krugman of the NYTimes has done a little pre-emptive fact checking. And he didn't even post it on factcheck.com!

Weekend Roundup

2004-10-12T19:51:00.000-04:00

Domestic issues are such pains! Especially if you are dealing with a domestic issue all up close and personal. Some new stats out say that there are 39 million working poor in America. Despite what Ronnie Reagan used to think about the poor in this country (remember the Welfare Queen in her Caddy?) it seems like that Protestant work ethic Max Weber used to be on about really did take root. Despite being paid diddly people just keep on working instead of milking the system as Reagan so vividly imagined. Funny, innit? Makes you wonder why it is that with America "more productive," as the PoTUS is wont to say, that so many people just seem to be getting poorer. Wouldn't have anything to do with the way that companies are run, or the way their CEOs behave or anything. Or the slowed job growth. Just a thought.

Worried that your vote might not count? You should be. But we're glad to see that people aren't taking it lying down.

David Brooks thinks there are two kinds of presidential candidates with two kinds of visions. David Brooks translates to Broken Record in Hmong.

The people of Wyoming are getting three times as much Homeland Security money as the people of New York City per cap, despite the risk of attack in New York being about a million times higher than anywhere in Wyoming. Sure makes us feel safer.

Shockingly, it seems that much of the rest of the world has not been impressed by Dubya's performance as president. Never woulda guessed.

A number of very right wing Catholic bishops have been doing some pulpit campaigning against the Catholic candidate, because he is pro-choice. Seems like some rather selective reading to us-- the candidate they are stumping for is the former governor of the state that executes the most number of prisoners in the US and who started a war with Iraq. The Pope says that along with abortion both capital punishment and the war in Iraq are wrong. Did we miss the hierarchy of wrongness speech from the Vatican? Was there some special meeting with the bishops where the Pope said Okay, here's the bad stuff list in order of importance: 1) abortion, 2) embryonic stem cell research; 3) gay marriage, and a couple of optional ones at the bottom: executing prisoners is not so nice and preemptive wars that kill tens of thousands are pretty bad too. Worse than masturbating. There is a very interesting op-ed piece on this issue pointing out that very low abortion rates go hand in hand with strong welfare states. You know, when you offer a little (Christian) charity....

Meanwhile, Zora Neale Hurston has been put on the bad list in some Maryland schools, and your tax dollars are working toward getting the Bible place of her work. Instead of "Thier Eyes Were Watching God," it'll be just "God".

Speaking of Maryland, seems the GOP there is in the business of buying up websites just to smear an opponent. Who knew cyberspace would make bad behavior so easy? If you can't win on your own merit...

Everybody is saying they're going to be a little more cautious in calling the election this year. Even Fox. We won't hold our breath.

An Israeli think thank points out that the invasion of Iraq was a distraction from the war on terror. Gee, ya think? We're just gonna call it a mistake.

The electoral college sucks.

Judges are partisan on the envirnoment. Yet. Another. Shock. Not.

If William Saffire every touches down into the space of reality for long enough to read a paper he'll be shocked and amazed to discover that it the oil for food program wasn't just a French plot. Seems there were some of his fellow Americans making a buck off that one as well. Uh-oh....

Seems like the reporters in Iraq are on lockdown- which makes us wonder where the substance of the stories we are seeing is coming from. Might even make a security mom wonder. Some reports are really sounding bad- and worse still, it seems that the real reporting is getting quashed.

Seems like there is a plan for a big military push right around Tet, uh, Ramadan. The soldiers in the delta, er, desert are having a rough ride: "Sometimes I see no reason why we're here," Perez said. "First of all, you cannot engage as many times as we want to. Second of all, we're looking for an enemy that's not there. The only way to do it is go house to house until we get out of here." So rough that some are even heading to Canada- even if they aren't getting a warm welcome.

Oh yeah, and Rumsfeld seems to be very supportive of Kerry's plan to get more support from some of our European allies. Like NATO. Funny, that...

The Good Steward of The Land Offers Head to Historical Judges- But Refuses to Pony Up to St. Louis Audience on Mistakes

2004-10-09T07:31:00.000-04:00

Debates, debates, debates. We know there are people out there who will say that Dubya won the debate last night. For example, Robert Novak (the "political analyst" who outed CIA agent Valerie Plame at the behest of "sources" in the executive branch) had this well crafted "political analysis" of the debate: "I thought Bush won the debate. Kerry didn't make any major gaffes but Bush showed he wasn't the ninny that he appeared to be in Florida." Now that's some hard hitting analysis. Mostly because Robert Novak has great knowledge on ninniness. How much does one get paid to watch the debates and write two sentences?

The Spinmeister Alert Today Is:
Vermillion

Of course the spin machines are up an running, however, despite Novak's oh-so-objective "analysis" of the debate, we are going to have to follow wily's mom on this one. Mother Wily calls it as: Kerry by a nose.

Yes, the PoTUS was definitely more on last night, and he had shed himself of the transmitter shaped hump. He came out aggressive, or as Fast Eddie put it "Jesus, he looks like he's all hopped up on something. He's frothing." It sort of wore off as the ninety minutes progressed. If in the first debate he'd brought 20 minutes of material for a ninety minute debate, this time he brought around 45 minutes' worth. Maybe next time he'll be up to an hour.

Oh, the highlights!

Early on Bush said "In the old days we'd see a threat, and we could deal with it if we felt like it or not. But 9/11 changed it all." and we have to say-- what? We could still deal with it even if we didn't feel like it? What? But after 9/11...? Like what's the opposite of this statement? We can't deal with it whether we feel like it or not? We're starting to see how this works. He hypnotizes voters with his stealth syntactical confusion!

And yes, he pulled out the "Seventy five percent of them (al Qaida) have been brought to justice. " Okay: a) what does he mean by "brought to justice"? and b) where the hell does this 75% number come from? In order for this to be accurate it would mean that a) they knew exactly how many memebers of al Qaida there were before they began bringing them "to justice" (suspend disbelief on this point long enough to finish argument) and b) that there are a finite number of al Qaida members, because if more were joining that would screw up your percentages. In short, this claim is a whole lot of hooey. Someone please call him on it.

"I saw a unique threat in Saddam Hussein." Yes, the unique threat posed by a guy who's got bubkus. Makes us think Dubya must not be very good at poker: like he'd fold when his mustachioed opponent had a pair of twos. So what was this "unique threat" (as opposed to the garden-variety threat posed by nuclearized North Korea and Iran)? "...the unique threat was that he could give weapons of mass destruction to an organization like Al Qaida..." Ah, oh yes. He might have given the weapons he didn't have to al Qaida. Oh yes. That's a real threat. Also known as a pair of twos.

We're pretty sure we saw Dubya lose a vote when he answered this question from Nikki Washington:

<>Mr. President, my mother and sister traveled abroad this summer, and when they got back they talked to us about how shocked they were at the intensity of aggravation that other countries had with how we handled the Iraq situation. Diplomacy is obviously something that we really have to really work on. What is your plan to repair relations with other countries given the current situation?

BUSH: No, I appreciate that. I -- listen, I -- we've got a great country. I love our values....I recognize that taking Saddam Hussein out was unpopular. But I made the decision because I thought it was in the right interests of our security....I recognize that taking Saddam Hussein out was unpopular. But I made the decision because I thought it was in the right interests of our security....

In short Nikki, fuck diplomacy.

We were also a little baffled by the fact that in the course of answering this question Dubya said that "People love America" even when they don't like America's decisions. Wow. People love America. It's kind of like he doesn't get out much. Yes, the Tooth Fairy really will leave a quarter under your pillow for that incisor.

On the question of Iran and nuclear proliferation Dubya said: "I fully understand the threat. And that's why we're doing what he suggested we do: Get the Brits, the Germans and the French to go make it very clear to the Iranians that if they expect to be a party to the world to give up their nuclear ambitions. "

Since when are we sending in "Old Europe" as the heavies?

Oh yes, and on that whole draft thing? Dubya says "I hear there's rumors on the Internets (sic) that we're going to have a draft. " Rumors on the Internets? Oh boy. And people jumped on Gore for "inventing" the Internet. His erstwhile opponent doesn't seem to be familiar with it at all. Great. We feel safe being protected by someone who might wonder if he has to do a separate Google search for each of the Internets.

And that's where Dubya started to get a little wingy. The issue was the draft. He said no draft. Kerry said back-door draft already exists. Gibson allows for an extend on the back-door draft issue.

GIBSON: Exactly. And with Reservists being held on duty...

(CROSSTALK)

BUSH: Let me answer what he just said, about around the world.

GIBSON: Well, I want to get into the issue of the back-door draft...

<>BUSH: You tell Tony Blair we're going alone. Tell Tony Blair we're going alone. Tell Silvio Berlusconi we're going alone. Tell Aleksander Kwasniewski of Poland we're going alone.
There are 30 countries there. It denigrates an alliance to say we're going alone, to discount their sacrifices. You cannot lead an alliance if you say, you know, you're going alone. And people listen. They're sacrificing with us.

And that is the PoTUS' final word on the back-door draft. He's going to issue a stop-loss order on Aleksander Kwasniewski of Poland. At least until after the election.

BTW, we think we saw Kerry pick up that vote Dubya lost earlier when three questions after her initial query he still remembered her name and her question. "Now, to go back to your question, Nikki, we're not getting the best cooperation in the world today."

"And there's a lot of good people working hard." Uh-oh. All that hard work. Actually, someone must have mentioned that people didn't really like the whiny hard work stuff. Being PoTUS is hard work, whaaaaaa!

When asked about why he was barring the import of cheaper drugs from Canada, Bush said: "Just want to make sure they're safe. When a drug comes in from Canada, I want to make sure it cures you and doesn't kill you. " Yes. He just wants to protect you from the Third World and their evil drugs. We thought we'd heard that before somewhere. And it seems we have. From the drug companies. And they're totally objective.

BUSH: We've got battling green eye shades.

Uh, yeah. That's what it must be.

BUSH: Is my time up yet?

You wish.

<>Environment? Dubya said "That's why I proposed a hydrogen automobile -- hydrogen-generated automobile. " Yes, he thought it up all by himself, right after he invented the Internets. "That's why I'm a big proponent of clean coal technology, to make sure we can use coal but in a clean way. I guess you'd say I'm a good steward of the land." It's funny, but that is conceivably one of the top five least likely phrase I would use to describe the PoTUS. Sinks Kyoto, wants to open the Alaskan nature reserves to oil drilling, and has overseen environmental havoc. Yes, "good steward of the land" comes just under "suave diplomat" on the list of Things Never Associated with the PoTUS.

BUSH: I own a timber company?

(LAUGHTER)

That's news to me.

(LAUGHTER)

Need some wood?

Yes, Good Steward of the Land.

BUSH: Embryonic stem-cell research requires the destruction of life to create a stem cell.

Um, actually, no. The stem cells are already there.

BUSH: Put a head fake on us.

???

So many interesting assertions, but the closing moment was when he answered this question:

"Please give three instances in which you came to realize you had made a wrong decision, and what you did to correct it. "

The bobs and weaves are hypnotizing. His answer in its entirety:

BUSH: I have made a lot of decisions, and some of them little, like appointments to boards you never heard of, and some of them big.

And in a war, there's a lot of -- there's a lot of tactical decisions that historians will look back and say: He shouldn't have done that. He shouldn't have made that decision. And I'll take responsibility for them. I'm human.

But on the big questions, about whether or not we should have gone into Afghanistan, the big question about whether we should have removed somebody in Iraq, I'll stand by those decisions, because I think they're right.

BUSH: That's really what you're -- when they ask about the mistakes, that's what they're talking about. They're trying to say, "Did you make a mistake going into Iraq?" And the answer is, "Absolutely not." It was the right decision.

The Duelfer report confirmed that decision today, because what Saddam Hussein was doing was trying to get rid of sanctions so he could reconstitute a weapons program. And the biggest threat facing America is terrorists with weapons of mass destruction.

We knew he hated us. We knew he'd been -- invaded other countries. We knew he tortured his own people.

On the tax cut, it's a big decision. I did the right decision. Our recession was one of the shallowest in modern history.

Now, you asked what mistakes. I made some mistakes in appointing people, but I'm not going to name them. I don't want to hurt their feelings on national TV.

(LAUGHTER)

BUSH: But history will look back, and I'm fully prepared to accept any mistakes that history judges to my administration, because the president makes the decisions, the president has to take the responsibility.

Yes, the PoTUS made little decisions and big decisions. And he knows what kind of a sneaky trick question this is! But he is not going to own up to a single specific mistake. No sir! Owning up to actual mistakes is for pussies! He'll take responsibility only when history judges his administration. And not a moment sooner.

On a final note: Afghan elections are today. Let's all hope for the Afghan people it is a peaceful process.

Green Belt to Gold Medal- Props to Wangari Matthai!

2004-10-08T20:02:00.000-04:00

We have just returned from the local liquor store with a bottle of fine (enough) Merlot and are all revved up for Uneven Podiums That Remind Everybody That Kerry Is Taller, The Debate, Part II.

The Spinmeister Alert Today Is:
On vacation

Too busy getting ready to rumble. Though we do note the blogosphere kerfuffle about the Bush "hump". We think it was the battery pack. We'd like to imagine Karl Rove in his lair whispering answers into Dubya's ear, but did you see the debate? That was with help?

It appears that things are getting a little hot on the hill for House Majority Leader Tom Delay. Several members are asking for him to step down as Majority Leader, since it's hard to lead when you are trying to avoid getting slammed for your many 'associates' dirty (and apparently illegal) business. Perhaps he was too busy working on the graphics for the web page www.freedom.gov- which is handily linked to the Majority Leader's webpage. It boldly defies all connection with realty by declaring on its opening page "Victory in Iraq". Earth to Mister Delay: it is a little, ahem, premature to declare victory just yet. The section of this webpage entitled "Why America Is Safer" makes me realize that somewhere Winston is, just now, throwing a copy of an old newspaper clipping down a chute to the incinerator. Along with the biography of Harriet Tubman. It begins with the helpful link entitled "A Trip to Iraq Reveals the need for U.S. Aid" Which makes us wonder if it really required a trip to Iraq in order to come to the conclusion that US aid was needed. Then there is the exceptionally carefully worded trio at the bottom:

I raq's Quest for Nuclear Weapons

Iraq's Biological Warfare Agents

Iraq's Use of Chemical Weapons

Yes, Biological Warfare Agents. The Quest for Nuclear Weapons. And the Use of Chemical Weapons (in the 1980s).

Note that there is no contact address on this website. There is no email address, no "about us". Because contact information would imply that the people who put this thing together actually want to be contacted. But they don't. So there isn't an email address. What is that, when people put highly questionable and very biased stuff out there and do not allow for dialogue or questioning? There's a word for that.... it's, oh right! Propaganda. You want to hear the real kicker? You're paying for it. Look at the address. Dot-Gov. Nice.

Speaking of putting the kibash on questioning our infallible (Bwah!) leaders, there was an extremely interesting piece on NPR's Morning Edition this morning on the screening being done at Bush/Cheney rallies. High school kids, registered republicans, VIP guests are being yanked out at the request of the sercret service when they are caught with Democratic, KE04, or pro-choice paraphenalia. You want to hear the real kicker? You're paying for it. That's right- we pay for many of these rallies, and we have a constitutional right to attend. And we are having our rights violated. They tried to find someone with BC04 stuff that had been barred from a KE04 rally. The BC04 campaign could only provide one name. And she wouldn't call NPR back.

On a final note for the evening, we are delighted to report that environmentalist and feminist Wangari Matthai of Kenya has won this year's Nobel Peace Prize. This inspiring woman has endured many hardships- including being beaten up- for her activities with the Greenbelt Movement, which she founded in 1977. She is the first African woman to win the prize. She's trying to save the environment for all of us, one tree at a time. Hats off to the indefatigable Wangari Matthai!

Rose Madder, Mad as a Hatter

2004-10-07T20:16:00.000-04:00

Seems that folks think the debate was a draw. Which apparently means that if you're a Republican you think Cheney won, and if you're an independent you're more likely to think that Edwards won than to think it's a draw, and think a draw more likely than Cheney winning. Funny how party affiliation makes for knee-jerk reactions that go against things you believe in. For example, a new poll by Zogby with 33% of respondants identifying as conservatives and 29% as moderates had 70% of the total (i.e. including liberals) saying they'd rather we had a policy of diplomacy and working with the UN and NATO in world disputes to 25% saying we should go it alone and act as a superpower. (Question 32). With 33% conservatives and 2% Libertarians that means that even if 100% of the Progressives, 100% of the Liberals and 100% of the Moderates voted for the policy clearly associated with Kerry, there are still at least 5% of conservatives and/or Libertarians who believe Kerry is right. Reminds us. of a little book we read once by a German guy. Talking about false something-er-other. Mighta been called Duck Soup.

The Spinmeister Alert Today Is:
Rose Madder

Before we go on, there has been a little clarification on exactly why people who tried to follow the Veep's directions and check him out on "Factcheck.com" were directed to George Soros' site where they were greeted with the banner headline "Why We Must Not Re-Elect President Bush." Seems the for-profit site got upset about having their server overloaded and exacted a little revenge.

Today's big story is that we are being regailed- yet again- with official reports saying in no uncertain terms that the assertions of the administration that formed the bases of the protean reasons for going to war in Iraq have all turned out to be virtually without a whit of merit. No chemical weapons. No biological weapons. No nuclear weapons. No nuclear weapons wish list can I get it for Christmas Santa programs. No connection between Iraq and 9/11. No connection between Osama and Iraq. No connection between Zarqawi and Saddam. Saddam not pursuing these weapons. The White House got it "Almost All Wrong".

Pretty unequivocal, no? Well, bigger men might own up to a mistake of monstrous proportions. Instead, the Veep stated that the very same report that has debunked the claims of the WH justifies the war on Iraq. This is quite literally pointing to something black and telling people it's white. Cause he says so. And he's scary.

Are you gobsmacked? We are gobsmacked. We look at each other in dismay, say WTF?, and slap each other's cheeks hoping it will snap us out of it. Then we remember we are not the ones who are delusional.

What is the rationale behind claiming that a report that says they were Almost All Wrong actually supports their utterly debunked claims? Saddam was abusing the UN Oil-for-Food program. Plus they got a copy of his Christmas list from 1999. This is what it looked like:

A new palace for me
A new palace for my wife, but somewhere else, she is driving me bonkers
A smaller palace for my mistress, between my palace and my wife's palace
A brand new copy of The Old Man and The Sea
A better internet connection
* * * Xtra special: thermo-nuclear weapons

VP Cheney has uncovered that Saddam was corrupt. We are shocked, shocked! We do feel the need to point out that if being this side of ethical is watertight proof of an imminent- oh! I mean gathering- threat, then somebody better start keeping an eye on Tom Delay. You see him with a copy of The Sun Also Rises and we're sure to be invaded by Vanuatu, who will recognize it as proof of a 'gathering' threat.

The PoTUS gave his new stump speech in which he said Kerry would make the world less safe. Off the leash, Iraqi interim PM Allawi mentioned that Iraq- which is in the world- is awfully unsafe right about now. So unsafe that the UN is being urged out. Could that disconnection be connected to the bubble? Who knew the PoTUS and John Travolta had so much in common. Though some people are seeing Tricky Dick 1960. Since the rest of us aren't in the bubble, it might explain why some polls are showing a slight Kerry lead. Most polls are at least calling it close for the moment. That may change if the PoTUS tells viewers on Friday night to check out his performance by visiting Bushrecall.org.

Why not just scare the crap out of people in response? Like, tell them that their children are in danger! Why do that? Well, according to sociologist Robb Willer, because it helps the PoTUS' approval ratings. We could not make this stuff up. Besides, there's data and stuff.

Oh yes, and VA gun enthusiasts have asserted their second amendment right to cart around a loaded firearm whenever they want. Cause they're gonna rock this party like it's 1799. They'll be taking their loaded weapons to National and Dulles Airports whenever they like. Because nobody is supposed to feel suspicious when a guy shows up at an airport with a gun.

In the meantime, have fun with this.

Mistah Tallyban!

2004-10-06T23:58:00.000-04:00

Did anyone else notice that Bush called the Mullahs the Moolahs on Thursday? Or that Cheney called the Taliban the Tally-ban? Someone call in some speech therapists. Hey Mistah Tallyban, Tally me banana...

Check this Fact, Baby!

2004-10-06T23:19:00.000-04:00

We had a blog about the Veep debates. But Blogger ate it and then burped our my face. We are so sad. So instead of attempting to recreate the most wonderfullest blog ever we will just note that the debate was a draw, and then will list the top five reasons why Darth Cheney sucked anyway.

1) Darth Cheney tried to connect the capture of Saddam to diminished terrorism. He said "Concern about Iraq specifically focused on the fact that Saddam Hussein had been, for years, listed on the state sponsor of terror, that they he had established relationships with Abu Nidal, who operated out of Baghdad; he paid $25,000 to the families of suicide bombers; and he had an established relationship with al Qaeda." The WP notes that the Saudis and the Gulf states did this first. And it didn't stop the suicide bombers that hit two buses in Israel on August 31st. Nor does Cheney mention that there is a picture of his former boss Donald Rumsfeld (yes, Rummy was his boss during the Nixon years. Yes, the Nixon years) shaking Saddam's hand- back when he was a guy they could do business with. Would that be an "established relationship"?

2) Darth Cheney refutes Edwards' assertion that the US is taking 90% of the coalition casualities. He asserts that one should not denigrate the Iraqi army's sacrifices by excluding them from the numbers. What he really means is "I'm going to try to make you watch my right hand while I pull the rabbit out of the hat with my left". We do believe the Iraqi army were not part of the coalition that invaded Iraq. We may be going out on a limb here, but we feel pretty confident that the Iraqi army did not invade itself. You can try to lie with statistics, Darth, but you gotta do it in footnotes.

3) The Veep made the patently ridiculous statement that he "not suggested there's a connection between Iraq and 9/11..." Listen, Darth, there are these little things called recording devices. The WP points out a couple of times when the following statements were made:

"it's been pretty well confirmed that [Atta] did go to Prague and he did meet with a senior official of the Iraqi intelligence service in Czechoslovakia last April, several months before the attack."

"We discovered . . . the allegation that one of the lead hijackers, Mohamed Atta, had, in fact, met with Iraqi intelligence in Prague."

Atta "did apparently travel to Prague. . . . We have reporting that places him in Prague with a senior Iraqi intelligence officer a few months before the attacks on the World Trade Center."

"Cheney described Iraq as part of "the geographic base of the terrorists who have had us under assault for many years, but most especially on 9/11."

Nothing there suggesting that there was a connection between Iraq and 0/11!

4) This is a guy who voted against early education for children (Head Start), food for the elderly (Meals on Wheels), a day off in honor of Martin Luther King, and against trying to get Nelson Mandela out of jail. We guess he figures the kids are too young to vote, the old folks to addled with hunger to vote, and African Americans too disenfranchised to have their votes count. That huge African American Wyoming demographic.

5) The Veep attacked Edwards for not showing up for work in the congress- so much so that Darth claimed they had never met. Pictures covered the web today of the Veep and Edwards at the swearing in ceremony of various senators. Oopsy.

In fairness, Edwards was not perfect. This was a draw. He could have done better. But in a debate between a veteran pol, the one term senator held his own.

Finally, two places where Darth Cheney scored some points, even with us:

1) His answers on the gay marriage/ his daughter question were dignified. (But so were Edwards, who seems to want Cheney's daughter to have some rights).

2) Stealthy, shadowy figure- Darth Cheney managed to shoot himself in the shawdowy foot. If only he spent more time in the blogosphere! He would not have a) sent people to the wrong website to check on Haliburton's record. b) but would also not have decided to send them to a website that had more than one article about Haliburton- and most of them not good. Guess he figured people would only read the one. It's there- tucked between the article on the lies in the B/C healthcare bill and the distortions in attack ads on Kerry.

Spin Cycle

2004-10-05T19:40:00.000-04:00

Must be fast (in addition to being wily), as tonight we shall be watching the latest episode of Star Wars. (Looks like we weren't the only ones to draw the Skywalker/Darth Cheney connection! Hat tip to Geekgirl) Or at least we'll be watching the debates. Before we go on though, we have to say that we saw these headlines right next to each other: Poll: 1 in 4 Hold Anti-Muslim Views and Troops in survey back Bush 4-to-1 over Kerry. Did that make you cock your eyebrow? One suspects they weren't speaking of the same 25%.

The Spinmesiter Alert Today Is:
Wild Cherry

But mainly because there is a trifecta of spin occurring. It's like a spin vortex. It's like being in the washing machine on spin cycle. The Spinmeister and his minions have been working the turntables but hard. The Kerry machine has finally whirred to life as well- and they are spinning like an army of tops. Apparently both campaigns have deputized the proletariat as field spinners. And well, there's the media. Which is spinning the spin. Multiple stories today in the media about the post-debate spin. Yes, people, politicians spin.

What is there to spin about? Well, lessee.... federal workers! As long as they support Dubya, apparently. Nice one. Like the smooth way they polticized the previously unpoliticized.

But how do you spin it when your former top man-in-Iraq says you screwed the pooch when you failed to send in adequate troops? well, as long as he follows that up quickly with a 'but I support the PoTUS', apparently you say nothing.

What about when polls say that your opponent reassured them in the last debate-- even after months of having Darth Cheney try to scare the crap out of 'em? You say that he's a danger to world peace. That's right- not just a danger to national security, but electing him will mean the end of the frigging world. An interesting stance for the Prince of the Pre-emptive strike.

What about when job cuts hit an 8-month high just a month before your attempt to be re-elected based in your record as the first PoTUS to finish a term with a net job loss since Herbert Hoover? You thank God that Dale Earnhardt Jr. has a potty mouth.

What about when the guy you hand-picked to run the CIA hand picks a political aid to be third in charge of the same agency- and is outed as having an old record as a shoplifter? (And yes, a misdemeanor from 1981 seems a bit petty- until you remember that the guy was working for the CIA at the time he was picked up- i.e. not a dumb kid prank or a no money gambit- and that he would be third in charge of the intelligence agency that seems to have had some, ahem, issues in recent years)? You bask in the undermining of coporate oversight that the congress is working on.

What about when the people you sent to go "fix" Iraq don't seem to like the job? Or when people start realizing that the educational program you said was gonna "fix" schools is underfunded, and even the GAO says it's got problems? What if the Cuban-American vote isn't in the bag anymore? And when you realize that being the PoTUS is real hard work? (Props to the Poor Man for this one) Perhaps you call up the shadowy feller whose really in charge....

Speaking of shadowy fellahs, we didn't realize when we made all those don't look behind the curtain jokes that it might, in fact be literal. We stand corrected by Wonkette.

By the way- if you got arrested in NY during the RNC, looks like you may have been illegally fingerprinted.

Finally, this headline: "Bush-Cheney Office in Tennessee Hit by Gunshots". First of all, this is just disgusting behavior, and we heartily hope it will not be repeated in Tennessee or anywhere else. Unfortunately, the sad irony meter did have to go off before we got to the end of the article, set off by this line: " Police are investigating and are forwarding information to federal officials in case the shooting turns out to be a hate crime, DeBusk said."

I hope there is an alternate reason for this being possibly classified as a hate crime, though race, gender and sexual orientation were not mentioned elsewhere in the article. Which leads one to believe that it may be referring to political affliation. Were this to be pursued as a hate crime targeting Republicans (an odd thought in GOP friendly Tennessee), it would be hard not to see the bitter irony. After all, the PoTUS is the man who as governor of Texas refused to sign the James Byrd Jr. Hate Crimes Act, a bill that was named after the black man who was dragged to death after being chained to the back of a pickup truck in Texas. He refused to sign it because it contained protections against hate crimes aimed at gays and lesbians. In short, he felt so strongly that gay-bashing should not be particularly criminalized that he refused to extend protection to ANY group.

Oh, Mr. President? Forget About Poland.

2004-10-04T19:48:00.000-04:00

First of all-- are you registered to vote? Well if you aren't then get hoppin'. Click here to check out what the deadlines are for registering in your state. Many deadlines have passed and the rest are coming up soon. There are record numbers of people registering- make sure you're one of them!

The Spinmeister Alert Today Is:
Trippy

The spin machine is turning, and sound is comin' out, but it's kind of like there isn't a record on the table. In answer to the purdy solid feeling that Kerry had won the debate, the Bush camp announced their own victorious performance. Hello-o? Even the spinmeister himself could not deny that his boy looked tense and peeved. Or maybe he could deny it. Karl Rove said that Kerry was "incoherent." ?!? Response from the Kerry camp? "Only when Joe Lockhart strolled through the media center did Team Kerry put a few points on the board. "They're doing 'Fantasy Island' and we're doing reality TV," the former White House spokesman said. "If you listen to them, George Bush is presiding over the most peaceful and prosperous time in a generation." Fantasy Island.... starring Karl Rove as Mr. Roarke, and George Bush as... is that a plane I hear?

Doesn't mean more of the spin ain't coming, though! First of all, "USAID said this week that it will restrict distribution of reports by contractor Kroll Security International showing that the number of daily attacks by insurgents in Iraq has increased." But never fear! The Pentagon is sending around real live Iraqi Americans to describe to people how things in Iraq really are. !?! Like where, in the Bizarro World or something? Perhaps this is in response to the emerging evidence "showing the U.S. government and a representative of President Bush's reelection campaign had been heavily involved in drafting the speech given to Congress last week by interim Iraqi Prime Minister Ayad Allawi." Well. We're shocked, shocked! We were so very fooled by the incredible resemblance that Allawi and Dubya's speeches bore to each other. And the strings....

Condi Rice is still trying to make the case for the whole mushroom-cloud-steel-tubes-we-weren't-totally-lying thing. Are there no jobs to be done over in the Nat Security office that might actually have an affect on something? Is anybody still listening?

Meanwhile Bush traveled to a swing state to sign Tax "Break" Number Four. Mostly because all the voters in the oval office were accounted for. Besides, they are all residents of the District of Columbia where nothing short of mass alien abductions will prevent those three electoral college votes from going to Kerry.

Fox "News" was doing it's job- and a tough job it was. Not a lotta good material to work from- so they just made some up. Now that's what we call ethical. The perpetrator? Why, Carl Cameron! No idea who he is? He'd be the schlub in Michael Moore's Farenheit 9/11 who in the pre-interview chatter with then-candidate Bush describes to the future PoTUS how his (Cameron's) wife is busy out campaigning for Dubya. No conflict of interest there-- never has any affect on his reporting or anything.

Even the movie industry (sort of) is trying to spin right.

The background to the spin? Well all Dubya's claims to a grand coalition-- he forgot about Poland!- seem to have been for naught. Poland is pulling out. Uh, Mr. President? Forget about Poland.

Then there is the threat that the Taliban and militia leaders are going to to disrupt the Afghan elections. Not like the double registering thing was a problem though. Not to mention issues with our own elections-- Diebold anyone?

The House appears to have come to its senses and refused to alter the constitution to install bigotry and inequality. Thankee, voice of reason!

Moscow is about to adopt the Kyoto Treaty on global warming. You know, the one that the Bush Administration refuses to sign because it would be bad for business. Apparently it has never occurred to anybody over there that there won't be much good business when we are all dead from pollution and flooding from global warming. Of course, it's probably good for the construction business in Florida, as new studies show there is quite possibly a connection between the increase in hurricanes and global warming. Plus this also means we are being bested by the Russians. Shouldn't this spur a reaction or something? Even Tony Blair is on about it. C'mon George, everybody's doin' it.

In the meantime it appears that Dubya has managed to piss off Arabs besides those living in Iraq, Iran, Egypt, Jordan, etc. This time it's Florida.

Rhode Island's Lincoln Chaffee hes declared he will vote across party lines for Mr. Kerry this November. He's no Zell Miller-- thank God. One Zellraiser is enough, thanks.

It appears that the lobbyist associated with the beleaguered Speaker of the House, who is being investigated for taking the dough from his 'non-profit' for his profit is also up to his eyeballs in "corruptly influenc(ing) Indian tribal elections in order to bilk tribes that operate gambling casinos out of more than $66 million in fees." Compassionate conservatism at its best!

Speaking of ironic, isn't it a little weird when the conservatives are spending like the end of the world is coming and just decide that balancing the budget is of no import ?

In case you didn't realize this, the man who loves to kick it with Darth Cheney in the duck blinds also has some other suggestions for kicking it. For that studmuffin Justice Antonin Scalia a great way to break up the social awkwardness is to have an orgie. Uhm. Justice Scalia + orgie = eeeuuuwww.

And please, someone give Elton John his medication.

Finally, Veep debate Tuesday night. Suddenly the Veep duke out is important!

Weekend Roundup

2004-10-04T07:03:00.000-04:00

Post-Debate Reaction-- well, unsurprisingly, both camps claim victory. Yet, polls, Fast, Wily, and Wily's mother all say Kerry won. But the victorious administration are the same people who think losing 2 million + jobs means the economy is getting stronger, and that the utter chaos in Iraq means the mission has been accomplished. *Shrug* At least a whole lotta peeps was watching.

Doesn't mean that we won't have to hear all about how "hard hitting" the PoTUS is (even if he looked a bit like a deer in the headlights at the debate). Stumping in New Hampshire the day after the debate PoTUS referred to his opponent "as an equivocator who denigrates American troops and who would subject national security decisions to vetoes "by countries like France." Oh yes, he speaks French. Fluently, even. It's much more manly to speak bits and pieces of poor Spanish, allowing you to pander to the Hispanic vote. Only a pussy would pick a language that you can't use in an election (that illusive uprooted Quebecois vote?), and then put the effort in to learn it fluently. Anyone who learns French fluently will apparently lose the war on terror.

Gun-owning protesters in Falls Church, VA showed their dislike for having their gun licenses checked should they walk onto city property with a firearm. "About 30 people, pistols strapped to their hips, strode into the council's meeting this week protesting the policy and warning that it violates their constitutional right to bear arms -- and possibly state laws, as well." Because God forbid someone wish to check to see if you are legally permitted to carry a deadly weapon (it is legal in VA to walk around with a six shooter strapped to your leg, just in case you believe the year to be 1823). Apparently we should all assume that someone with a firearm stepping on to city property has a legitimate reason for being armed. Hunting deer in city hall?

Voter rolls are up up up all over the place. Maryland and Virginia have seen major spikes- Virginia has the highest registration ever (according to NPR). If these people all go out to vote at least we may not have to be embarassed by the usual apathy of the citizenry.

Things just seem to be getting a little hotter for Tom Delay, the Texan who believes gerrymandering isn't just for census-years anymore. Not only have three of his 'associates' back in the Lone Star state been indicted and a lobbyist he is 'associated' with is being investigated
for spending nearly all the dough in his 'non-profit' for, well, his profit. But it now appears that he has been doing some influence-peddling as well. Oh, Tom, we hardly knew ye. You've come up with a couple we hadn't imagined (didn't see the lobbyist thing comin', shucks!) House Republicans "feel this is nothing but a political witch hunt and an attempt to tear down Tom DeLay through personal attacks and destructive tactics when they just can't beat him legislatively." We suggest that if mistah delay doesn't want to be investigated, maybe he should stop doing nasty stuff.

Appears Afghani PM Karzai has learned democracy the Dubya way a little too well. Glad to know all those double registered Afghani voters are getting the truth- no fear-mongering- from their candidates. Just like us.

Oh yes, and Bigfoot is in Virginia. (Props to G-Z for spotting this one).

He said Nooocleeehuur. Once. But you forgot Poland!

2004-10-01T08:14:00.000-04:00

The Spinmeister Alert Today Is:

Day-Glo Nuculer Prolifriration Yeller

Spinning? Is the room spinning? Laws, yes! And some of it began even before the debates. Like, did y'all check the podiums on the split screen action? We nearly fell off our chairs. Which was probably in part a result of having had a little too much Shiraz, but was also because when you saw the split screen bit you could see that their heads were just about even- but that the podium height was significantly different. Fast Eddie reminded us all of the SNL skit of yesteryear that poked fun at the vertically challenged (and scary-eyebrowed) Mike Dukakis by having someone playing the candidate walk up to the enormous podium behind which he was lost. Sound of whirring and his head slowly rises about the podium as his wee platform is raised. Only this time it wasn't the guy from Massachusetts who needed help. We are sure showing them as if they were of equal height was stipulated by James Baker. Note to GOP: We noticed.

Before we can go on to all of the polls-- including Fox-Frigging-"News," propaganda branch of the GOP- saying that folks feel Kerry won, we should take a look-see at what went on in Coral Gables.

The debate was an hour and a half, so we'll just be doing highlights here. Transcripts are available and most news stations have video available online.

The first fifteen minutes or so didn't look so great for the challenger. He wasn't floundering, but Bush seemed reasonably comfortable while Kerry seemed a little stiff. I imagine Bush figured he was on firm ground, 'security' being his entire platform and all.

Question two he got to give the kinder, gentler side of trying to scare the pants off of the voters when he was asked whether he thought Kerry winning would result in another attack. His answer? "No, I don‘t believe it‘s going to happen. I believe I‘m going to win..." Look at that! He gets to simultaneously distance himself from Cheney's remarks that raised a brouhaha while leaving open the possibility Cheney's statements were "true".

This was followed up by the odd statement that "People out there listening know what I believe. And that‘s how best it is to keep the peace." It appears he is saying that his beliefs are the best way to keep the peace. Or perhaps that listening to his beliefs are the best way to keep the peace. But this was early on and he still appeared to believe the stuff he was saying was a reasonable argument (even if it wasn't keeping the peace) .

In Kerry's response... The first direct shot, and I think the point where it started to slide away from the PoTUS. "But we also have to be smart, Jim. And smart means not diverting your attention from the real war on terror in Afghanistan against Osama bin Laden and taking if off to Iraq where the 9/11 Commission confirms there was no connection to 9/11 itself and Saddam Hussein, and where the reason for going to war was weapons of mass destruction, not the removal of Saddam Hussein. "

It was followed by: "And Iraq is not even the center of the focus of the war on terror. The center is Afghanistan, where, incidentally, there were more Americans killed last year than the year before; where the opium production is 75 percent of the world‘s opium production; where 40 to 60 percent of the economy of Afghanistan is based on opium; where the elections have been postponed three times. "

And: "The president moved the troops, so he‘s got 10 times the number of troops in Iraq than he has in Afghanistan, where Osama bin Laden is."

And: "The president just talked about Iraq as a center of the war on terror. Iraq was not even close to the center of the war on terror before the president invaded it."

And: "We can‘t leave a failed Iraq. But that doesn‘t mean it wasn‘t a mistake of judgment to go there and take the focus off of Osama bin Laden. It was."

And: "...even knowing there were no weapons of mass destruction, even knowing there was no imminent threat, even knowing there was no connection with al Qaeda, he would still have done everything the same way."

You feeling a pattern here? A nice plaid coming up here... I think the PoTUS felt it too. Especially after he defended his military crusade, saying "the enemy attacked us," and Kerry responded with this:

"Jim, the president just said something extraordinarily revealing and frankly very important in this debate. In answer to your question about Iraq and sending people into Iraq, he just said, “The enemy attacked us.” Saddam Hussein didn‘t attack us. Osama bin Laden attacked us. al Qaeda attacked us."

Were this a fencing match, that woulda been a foil in the chest pad. In other circumstances the PoTUS might have tattled to uncle Dick. Instead, he did what he excels at: he got petulant. If you haven't seen the video, go watch it, because it is impossible to convey by blog the pissyness of tone in the PoTUS's answer:

"First of all, of course I know Osama bin Laden attacked us. I know that. "

Themes! Kerry had a couple. We think of them thusly:

1) "eye off the ball," aka "Osama bin forgotten"
2) "thanks for containing current and former pinkocommie nuclear (I know how to say it!) proliferation. Not." (see nukes, Russia and nukes, North Korea) with a little "And great of you to join old Europe in trying to prevent Iran from getting nukes too. Not."
3) "we'll get by with a little help from our friends- if you hadn't made them all hate us. Jerk."
4) "PoTUS didn't invade as a last resort" One might also read this 'liar liar pants on fire', were one so inclined.
5) "invoke the names of several admired people, some more serruptitiously than others, including a couple of surprises: John Kennedy, Dwight Eisenhower (!), Ronald Reagan (!!). And then throw in George Will. (!)"

Kerry wasn't the only one with a theme- not surprisingly there was a pattern to the PoTUS' remarks as well. It looked a little like the pattern on a set of cowboy jammies. Here is how we summarize:

1) "he's a flip-flopper who sends mexted missages!" (yes, he did at one point say mexted missages. To be fair it was only once out of the six times he said this phrase. We counted).
2) "the world is better off without Saddam Hussein and 10 million Afghanis are registered to vote" We think of this as the 'pay no attention to the man behind the curtain' theme., or the 'does it really matter that Saddam had nothing to do with 9/11? We caught him!' and 'so what if a lotta of those 10 million voter registration cards are, in fact, double registrations. Like you were expecting a fair election?'
3) "Iraqis wanna be free, and you can't say otherwise, John Kerry!" At least we assume that's what he meant when he said: "I reject this notion—and I‘m suggesting my opponent isn‘t—I reject the notion that some say that if you‘re Muslim you can‘t free, you don‘t desire freedom. I disagree, strongly disagree with that."
4) "we did our best and there are a lotta good people working on it."
5) "Kerry thinks I'm wrong and he's gonna makes the troops cry"
6) "my coalition is too a coalition. We've got Poland!"
7) "Iraq is tough. Iraq is hard. And being president? that's hard. lots of hard decisions, and above all, a lotta hard work" Not the first time this one came up.....

Tell us, PoTUS, how hard is it?

"In Iraq, no doubt about it, it‘s tough. It‘s hard work. It‘s incredibly hard. ... It‘s the hardest decision a president makes. ... There‘s a lot of good people working hard. .. (that one might count twice!) ... There‘s a lot of really good people working hard to do so. It‘s hard work. ...And it‘s hard work. I understand how hard it is....I see on the TV screens how hard it is....The plan says we‘ll train Iraqi soldiers so they can do the hard work, and we are....It is hard work. It is hard work to go from a tyranny to a democracy. It‘s hard work to go from a place where people get their hands cut off, or executed, to a place where people are free. ...You know, my hardest—the hardest part of the job is to know that I committed the troops in harm‘s way.....You know, it‘s hard work to try to love her as best as I can,... It‘s hard work. Everybody knows it‘s hard work, because there‘s a determined enemy that‘s trying to defeat us....I understand how hard it is to commit troops.... I appreciate the fact that his daughters have been so kind to my daughters in what has been a pretty hard experience for, I guess, young girls, seeing their dads out there campaigning.(even the presidental daughters are working hard!)... Vladimir is going to have to make some hard choices. (ooh, hard on the Russian soul!).... We‘ve done a lot of hard work together over the last three and a half years...."

Yes, George, Iraq is hard. Good thing you decided to go it alone, eh? Because keeping up international friendships is hard work and we think you've so much hard work going on now, we wonder if it wouldn't be too much hard work to add diplomacy to the plate too.

But we'll all be protected by the free Iraqis who want freedom and liberty. "The enemy understands a free Iraq will be a major defeat in their ideology of hatred. ..And the main reason we‘ll succeed is because the Iraqis want to be free.... (Allawi) believes in the freedom of the Iraqi people...He believes, like I believe, that the Iraqis are ready to fight for their own freedom.... And when Iraq is free, America will be more secure (hmmm. perhaps because when they are free the troops will be here and not there?) ... you know, a nation that‘s free; ... A free Iraq will be an ally in the war on terror, and that‘s essential. A free Iraq will set a powerful example in the part of the world that is desperate for freedom. A free Iraq will help secure Israel. (?Pardon?) A free Iraq will enforce the hopes and aspirations of the reformers in places like Iran. A free Iraq is essential for the security of this country....And a free Iraq is going to make this world a more peaceful place....And, as well, we‘re pursuing a strategy of freedom around the world, because I understand free nations will reject terror. Free nations will answer the hopes and aspirations of their people. Free nations will help us achieve the peace we all want.... we must spread liberty because in the long run, the way to defeat hatred and tyranny and oppression is to spread freedom. ...I believe in the transformational power of liberty. I believe that the free Iraq is in this nation‘s interests. ... a free Iraq will serve as a powerful example for millions who plead in silence for liberty in the broader Middle East....constantly stay on the offensive and, at the same time, spread liberty. "

And really, who could be against freedom and liberty? No word yet on whether the PoTUS has any thoughts on changing the meaning of "free" in the dictionary to read: "run by a government of my choosing and enforced by my troops."

"Chinatown" prize of the evening goes to Goerge Dubya in his interpretation of the Faye Dunaway role in the climax of the film. In his own "my sister-my daughter-my-sister-my daughter" moment, the PoTUS had this to say: "Of course we‘re after Saddam Hussein—I mean bin Laden. He‘s isolated. "

Prize for best quote of someone else by either of the candidates: John Kerry quoting Colin Powell warning Dubya on the invasion of Iraq by invoking "the Pottery Barn rule: you broke it you own it." We like this one because a) we think Colin Powell is right; even while we b) think it's kind of silly to use the Pottery Barn as a metaphor; and furthermore c) have never thought of this as a rule specific to Pottery Barn; while d) we feel it necessary to note that we are sure neither John Kerry nor George Bush, and quite possibly Colin Powell, has ever stepped foot in a Pottery Barn. Much too metrosexual-prolitariat-seeking-to-exhibit-bougie-ness-by-owning-a-leather-couch-with-retro-styling.

The spin machine immediately went into effect on both sides. The word in the Bush camp (Karen Hughes and Andrew Card) was "heart". He showed the American people his "heart," he put his "heart" into the debate. One wonders if there wasn't discussion backstage about leaving the heart at home and bringing the brain next time.

Inaccuracies were made on both sides of the debate. The WP has a 'debate referee' alongside their transcript where you can have some of the facts checked.

Polls (those damned polls! I shake my fist at them!) showed that viewers gave Kerry as the winner by a pretty significant margin. Not that this will necessarily translate into a win in practice since nobody knows what to do until the media tells them what to think. And even if the media (other than the Fox Stident and Obnoxious Opinions Based on Falsehoods Channel) do call it for Kerry, who knows what that will actually mean in terms of voting behavior. (Think of unsatisfied Missourian Mr. Rau).

We'd just like to note that the topic of this debate was "foreign policy and homeland security" (read: the "war on terror"). Dubya's strong suit. He definitely found the debate hard work. And he still has health care, social security, medicaid, job losses, outsourcing, the deficit, welfare for the wealthy and the economy to go.

The next scheduled debate won't be a Dubya-Kerry contest. Instead, next Tuesday the young Jedi trial lawyer Knight, John Edwards Skywalker, will go up against Darth Cheney. Good thing Edwards knows who his father is. Or does he? Use the force!

W Stands for Wyoming, Not for Washington

2004-09-30T20:44:00.000-04:00

Just had to share: Washington DC is officially the polar opposite of Wyoming. Gee, honey, guess where we're NOT retiring?

Polling the trolls, or Polls Schmolls Part II

2004-09-30T19:39:00.000-04:00

We shall have to be fast as The Debate: Grudge Match Part One is set to begin in just over an hour and it is surely going to be more captivating than this season of the Apprentice. (Since we don't actually watch television credit for this comparison goes out to our pop culture consultant, who watches tv so we don't have to). First up:

The Spinmeister Alert Today Is:
Fiery and Eternally Red Hot Under The Tuckus

Because claiming to know what God is thinking strikes us as the kinda grandiose thinking that'll get you a nice spot under a thorny tree by the river of flaming and boiling oil. We're thinking that His working in mysterious ways has something to do with His thoughts being so awesome as to be beyond mere human comprehension. We imagine His thoughts on humans claiming to know His ways might perhaps elicit a reaction in the afterworld something like the reactions of the Giant Squid, only righteous and holy and stuff. We don't imagine too much, though, for fear that the imagining might be construed as thinking we know about the Master Plan and its orchestra of instruments. And then we might get smited. Even if we "purport (these beliefs) to be the product of "independent research," uncoordinated with the Bush-Cheney campaign."

Oh yes, it really is that bad.

Now on to the polls!!

The WP had an article in Tuesday's edition with the results of a poll the paper had conducted with ABC under the headline Polls Show Bush With Solid Lead.

Okay, polls make us want to rent our robes and gnash our teeth and pull out our hair because we believe that they don't actually tell us anything, but that people do react to them in very silly ways- like giving up hope or voting on pack mentality. We have also had suspicions that these polls are not getting a good or even a reasonably representative sample. As we have mentioned before all of us who only have cell phones and no land line will never be contacted by a polling organization (all telemarketing is barred from calling cell phones). But when we looked at this survey we noted that it was targeted at "likely voters."

Who are likely voters? How is the likelihood of their voting determined? Are they asked? Or is this based on previous behavior (i.e. voting in the last presidential election)? If it is that latter then no one under the age of 22 could have been asked anything. Nor would anyone who registered this year in order to vote in this election have been asked. And there are record numbers of registrations. The registration offices in Pittsburgh can't keep up. And record numbers in Ohio, even if there are dirty tricks afoot.

But what if the polls were designed to elicit a particular demographic? What if the most famous pollster thought this: "The most profound purpose of polls is to see how people are responding to God,' 'When I ask a question on these subjects, what I'm always trying to find out is, Are we doing the will of God?"

Those are the words of George Gallup Jr. after giving the spring commencement speech at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary. Yes, of the Gallup poll. The one that conducts polls for CNN and USAToday.

He might want to pray for some methodological guidance, as it appears his representative sample of "likely voters" (that wonderfully amorphous category) was more representative of Republicans than of Democrats. "Gallup was criticized for including 7 percent more Republicans in its "likely voter" poll than Democrats. According to the liberal blog The Left Coaster, the latest Gallup survey is even more out of whack -- this time, Repulicans have a 12-point advantage."

So what have we learned? That when you ask more Republicans who they are going to vote for you can report that the "instrument of God" candidate has a 13 point lead.

Even so, you can't call Ohio just yet. Better still, you can't call any of it just yet. At the end of the day, the only poll that counts is the one that will be tallyed on November 2nd. In the meantime, we're going to go open a bottle of wine and watch the debate.

Zeppelins and Dirigibles and Blimps, oh my!

2004-09-29T19:16:00.000-04:00

We are going to have to say that it may be a good idea to follow the words of the citizens of Crawford, Texas. At least the 425 for comprise the readership of the small paper based in that town who have decided to endorse a presidential candidate. "Four items trouble us the most about the Bush administration: his initiatives to disable the Social Security system, the deteriorating state of the American economy, a dangerous shift away from the basic freedoms established by our founding fathers, and his continuous mistakes regarding terrorism and Iraq."

The Spinmeister Alert Today Is:
Seafoam Green

Yes, a little surprising, but today had some minor spinning which we personally found more annoying than infuriating. Cheney said Kerry would be soft on terror, but we aren't counting that since he says that every frickin' day. Good God, man, get a new speech writer.

Spin Numbah One: A conservative PAC has sponsored a heap of anti-Kerry ads to be aired on Black radio stations. The ads are sponsored by a conservative white guy in Kansas City who was excoriated in 2000 for airing race-baiting ads. Not like this sort of stuff might be construed as kinda desperate tactics or anything. Like the kinda thing you might do if you didn't have a platform to run on. But perhaps someone took a look at the poll numbers for some of those WP/ABC questions by race. Click on race in the upper right corner and hit go. Innerestin' innit?

Spin Numbah Two: A few days ago Nobel Peace Prize winner and elder statesman (and we think all around nice feller- the Habitat for Humanity thing is aces all the way) Jimmy Carter said he had some profound doubts about the integrity of the election in Florida. He noted that "some basic international requirements for a fair election in Florida are missing." Like a non-partisan overseeing body (yes, Katherine Harris). Jeb Bush, who doesn't have anything invested in making sure his brother carries the state with the fourth highest number of electoral votes, answered Mr. Carter by calling him a pansypinkocommiecandyass. Okay, not in those terms, but he did say that Mr. Carter was part of the "constant haranguing of nonsense" over the elections. Which we are pretty sure is both grammatically and factually wrong- Jimmy Carter does not harangue nonsense. He leaves nonsense alone.

When a reporter raised concerns that voting machines in Tampa could be tampered with the first brother (Neil, the one who 'unwittingly'- har- consorted with prostitutes in Hong Kong will have to be second brother. When he makes himself governor of someplace with a lot of electoral votes perhaps he can be the first-and-a-half brother) responded by saying such claims were "bogus," were "conspiracy theories," and "just ridiculous." We will have to agree with the Guvnah on one point- there is certainly some Diebold machine ridiculousness goin' on. What else can you say when voting machines are found abandoned on the street and in a bar. Yes, that really does say that a machine was found in a bar. A voting machine. The kind that will be "counting" your vote in states like Maryland (where these were found- though this is not the state they were registered to) and Florida. Asked about it's origins a spokesperson from Diebold said that one could be "purchased on e-bay." So we'll have to give it up to the first brother on that one because hard facts show that the idea of voting machines being tampered with is totally bogus- right?

Meanwhile, for those of us not asleep in the poppy field, people within US security agencies (you know, like the CIA and stuff) are growing more and more pessimistic about the situation in Iraq. Of course, our fearless leader might say that this is because they read the newspaper and watch TV news shows where they show news about Iraq. They never show those positive stories about Iraq, like, uh, when only six of little Tariq's brothers were blown to bits and two survived with missing limbs when a car bomb exploded outside his house. But his kitten survived! Hail to the kitten- it shows that things are getting better and better every day!

Then a federal judge ruled against a key component of the misleadingly misnamed Patriot Act. The ruling, if it holds, should curtail which bits of your private life John Ashcroft can poke into. Does make you wonder what the meaning of patriotism is....

We do feel the need to point out that the administration is warning congress that it wouldn't support completely gutting the power of a new head security guy. We'll see if that pans out, but if deserved, kudos go out.

But we will also have to point out the fact that the administration is currently spending a ba-zillion dollars of your money to protect us from Krushchev and his hairy eyebrows. Yes, we now have a nearly complete missile defense system. For when the commies try to nuke us. From their hideout in 1962. ?!? Star Wars anyone? Well, if the cold war restarts we can all feel safe knowing that forty years after the fact they've sorted out how to protect us from the Soviets. Or not, actually, since this missile defense system is probably only about 20% effective. Yes. You have just paid a ba-zillion dollars for a missle defense system that only works one-fifth of the time in protecting you from missiles that are no longer the weapon of choice of the enemy of the day. The other 80% of the time the missiles which probably won't be shot at us by the Soviet Union which no longer exists will kill you anyway.

But 1962 is practically the Jetsons around the Pentagon where they have just deployed a "security blimp" to protect Washington. Yes, a blimp. In a display of "technology that could be used to protect troops." Just like they did in World War One. We're glad to see we are maintaining our standing among the most technologically advanced societies in the world.

You will all be glad to know that just about everybody who is not American would elect Kerry if they had the vote. As a sample: "Karim Raslan, a lawyer and commentator in Malaysia, another Muslim-majority country, was more blunt: "Everyone would want to see Bush out. He is loathed." This doesn't translate into love for Kerry though: "He added: "The view in Asia-Pacific is, Bush is dreadful. You've got to get rid of him. But is the other guy better? I fear not." Who knew the anyone-but-Bush crowd extended so far beyond Manhattan?

But where does all this hostility toward political leaders that has developed over the last four years come from? Well, apparently from the feeling that they are all a buncha liars. Interesting to note that Kerry and Bush received almost identical ratings, but Kerry's ratings were across the board lukewarm while Bush's were divided between people who (actually) believe him and those who think he makes Tricky Dick look like he was playing jacks with the girls. The two main factors to make people think pols spout a lotta hooey? 34% say the war in Iraq, and 16% say the 2000 Florida election fiasco. Hey Jeb, you listening?

The media didn't fare so hot in that survey either-- seems they got grades comparable to Bush and Kerry. This might explain why it is that people seem to have stopped paying attention to both the media and the pols. Which is what we have to assume must be happening in order to explain why it is that a significant number of Americans seem to have not the slightest inkling of where they hell either candidate stands on any of the issues. The results are really interesting- especially the bits where people have an opinion on something and think they are agreeing or disagreeing with a candidate- and aren't.

A reserve staff sergent wrote an extremely articulate and highly critical article about the war in Iraq- and he could get 20 years for "disloyalty." Welcome to Bush country. You can get a day pass free for Salon if you watch the ad.

And President Gore (that's the title they give you when you win, right?) wrote an op-ed piece in the NYTimes to Kerry on debating Dubya. He quotes Jon Stewart of the Daily Show, and then gives this gem: "And if anyone truly has "low expectations" for an incumbent president, that in itself is an issue."

By the way, if your third grader comes home smelling like tequila, don't worry- it's the snack time margherita! Makes naptime go a little smoother.

Tomorrow we're gonna do a little post on polls. And how they mess shit up bad.

The King of Kings Rises!

2004-09-28T20:30:00.000-04:00

From the bottom of the river apparently. Not so sure of about the fiberglass, though we hear it's an all-weather material.

The Spinmeister Alert Today Is:
Mustard Yellow

For those of you out there who think the tax cuts are hooey, believe that they are not only obviously weighted toward the folks in the administration (the economic top 1%) instead of you, and that they are part of what has caused record deficits, you've gotten some support on that last point from interesting quarters. "Communications Director Dan Bartlett wrote, “The deficit was caused by three things: lost revenue coming into the treasury due to the recession; funding increases to fight the war and protect the homeland; and tax relief to jumpstart our economy.” White House response? " Administration officials say that Bartlett’s comment is consistent with the administration’s message on tax policy." Really? I thought the WH tax policy message was that our economy was getting stronger and stronger because Dick Cheney got to take an extra $200K plus home. But apparently there's been a turnaround and they plan to come out and make it clear that they have indeed burdened our grandchildren and great grandchildren with the burden of paying off the deficit so that they could grant themselves tax "relief" and invade other countries. Right.

Meanwhile, the FBI has been utterly unable to translate more than 123,000 hours of wiretap tapes made since 9/11. Lack of appropriate computer storage means that some of these unheard tapes will be deleted. As in, never listened to. Wow, we sure feel soooo much safer knowing that plans for any future terrorist attack will quite possibly either be deleted before they are listened to, or might get listened to after the attack. Like all that evidence on the 9/11 hijackers. Which sure does show how Dubya is the candidate who can keep us safe from terrorists, using the same methods that prevented that attack on the World Trade.... wait a second.... funny, I feel a little nervous all of a sudden.

But wait, doesn't George Bush care about the common man? Let's look at all he's done for getting health care for the Average Joe. "In the past four years, Americans have spent an ever-growing portion of their paychecks on health care and for the most part gotten less for their money, forcing millions into the ranks of the uninsured or personal bankruptcy, according to government figures and several independent assessments."

Huh. But at least he has the welfare of the elderly at heart, right? "Federal investigators said Monday that the Bush administration had improperly allowed some private health plans to limit Medicare patients' choice of health care providers, including doctors, nursing homes and home care agencies." And they're paying more our of pocket as well. Perhaps they figure some of those elderly aren't going to make it to November anyway, so who needs 'em, eh?

Oh yeah, and when Interim PM Allawi said last week that his country was being flooded by outside agitators and terrorists, well, he must have been drinking some of the WH Koolaid. Outside agitators by way of-- Basra? Glad to see the puppet leader is a straight-up no chaser kinda fellah. A straight shooter, just like the guy holding the strings.

But it's good to know that this administration can take advice and suggestions that don't agree with their plans for the empire and apply them. You know, the Bush way! Total Dismissal!

Also good to see that this administration is concerned about all of the citizens of the US. That must be why neither Mr. Swagger nor Mr. Shady will come speak in your town unless you can mobilize a phalanx of the like minded to man the phones for the RNC. The rest of the pinkocommies can go ask Senator Patrick Leahy for directions on how to perform the task assigned to them by Dick Cheney.

We're sure glad that the administration is working so hard to diffuse the rather frightening situation in North Korea, though! I'd sure be scared otherwise, boyhowdy! Like if their vice foreign minister said something like "the danger of war on the Korean peninsula "is snowballing," or "that Pyongyang had "no other option but to possess a nuclear deterrent" because of U.S. policies that he claimed were designed to "eliminate" North Korea and make it "a target of preemptive nuclear strikes." Yeah, if they weren't doing such a good job preventing something like that from happening I might not be able to sleep at night from fear.

Fear... now that is something this administration has a solid record on! They get super high marks for scarin' the pants off of anyone they can! Why, they're so good at it that people in small towns you've never heard of (and by golly, probably no terrorist has every heard of either!) send around petitions to move polling stations out of public schools and into churches. Be afraid. be very afraid.

Oh yes, here we have a heartwarming story of compassionate conservatism at work! The Capital Athletic Foundation claims that it's mission is to assist "needy and deserving" sportsmanship programs. Who knew rich guys playing golf at schmancy resorts could be described in such lofty terms! They sure can in the land of "compassionate conservatism"! Where Republican lobbyists and "very close personal friends" of Tom Delay can take your charitable donations from private citizens and Indian casinos and parlay them into golfing trips to Scotland on private planes with other Republican lobbyists and a house in Silver Spring. Compassionate conservatism indeed- the GOP has such a big heart for the lowly, downtrodden millionare lobbyist.

Prize for bizarre protest of the day goes to: anti-/pro-fox hunting clashes in England. The pro-hunting people showed up with dead calves and a dead horse. Which either means that they've all watched the Godfather too many times, or that semiotics are really, really culturally specific. To our minds, the best part of the exchange was when pro-fox-hunting folks argued that the anti-fox-hunting folks were against sending the hounds out to savage a fox not because they actually believed it to be a barbaric and cruel practice, but because they carried class prejudices. Fox hunting is an almost entirely upper class pursuit.

In response Tony Blair apologized for the whole Iraq debacle. Okay, it wasn't exactly in response. But the two incidents were reported on the same day. And it wasn't a full-on apology per se, but was more of a "I guess we shoulda checked those documents better" sort of apology. It's funny how differently leaders on either side of the pond respond to upcoming elections in which their jobs are at stake.

Saa-wing batta batta batta batta saa-wing batta

2004-09-27T20:14:00.000-04:00

First of all, for all the naysayers out there, it seems that voter registration rolls are up in swing states, and in Ohio and Florida in particular. And the Dems are much better at it. Doesn't mean they will all vote with the Dems, but it does mean all hope is not lost.

The Spinmeister Alert Today Is:
Chartreuse

Yes, people, chartreuse. It ain't for lack of trying neither, but really, this tired ole 'things is gettin' better in Iraq' schtick is like listening to a 45 single spinning at 33rpm.

Okay, we have all heard our fearless leader wax rhapsodic about the "progress" being made in Iraq, and much eye-rolling and blood pressure rising has followed to be sure. However, from his ranch in Crawford where he plays cowboy Dubya told reporters on Sunday that he had no regrets about the flyboy flight deck mission accomplished PR dud of May 2003. Yes, folks, he is saying that he does not regret making the most patently ridiculous statement of the year. Even when it was pointed out to him that since his 'mission' was 'accomplished' more than 900 American soldiers have died in his war, he still said he was going to stand by this statement.

Yes, that was the sound of our collective jaws hitting the floor.

Dear Lord, please can someone ask him what the hell he means by "progress"? How is this mission "accomplished"? Is it the kidnappings and beheadings? Is it the hepititis outbreak in Sad'r City from water and sewage breakdowns? Is it the ever dimming hope for an election that might allow everyone to vote? Perhaps it is the data collected by Kroll Security International for the U.S. Agency for International Development that indicates that there are around 70 attacks a day- up from 40 to 50 a day before the June 28th 'handover'? Or is the hopeless and abandoned unit that is considered emblamatic of US errors? Perhaps it is the way in which Al Qaeda is now seen as an even bigger threat than it was in 2001? How about when a new Iraqi commander is arrested for being in with the insurgents? Or maybe it is the way his own people keep pointing out that shit ain't going right- like Gen. John Abizaid, who says the elections are bound to be flawed. Or when Colin Powell says the Iraqi uprising is growing? We just gotta ask- what the hell are the standards by which progress is being judged?

So what to do when you are staying what anyone with half a clue can see is the most destructive course? Blame it on your opponent. Go ahead, call him a pussy! You know you wanna! It certainly does distract from the fact that Jimmy Carter (you know, the guy with the Nobel Peace Prize) says that elections in Florida are sure to be a bunch of hooey. (Okay, he didn't say hooey, exactly, but we're sure it's what he meant).

It might also distract a little from the fact that it is the ten year anniversary of the GOP's contract with America- and that after ten years of GOP rule in congress and the last four with control over the WH too they appear to have not achieved any of their goals. Funny, that. Must be all the fault of the "liberal media" (Bwah-haw-haw-haw!)

But none of this has to do with oil. C'mon, Luke! Snap out of it! Darth Cheney is trying to use a Jedi mind trick on you!

And this just in-- Osama 'probably' in Pakistan. Well shit, dawg, if you know that why don't you go after him? Unless, of course, you already got...ooohhh. We're taking bets on the date of the unveiling. Oct. 24th and 27th are already taken.

Seems the Valerie Plame investigation has fizzled. Imagine that. Condi Rice gets up and calls the woman Ms. Plume a couple of times (as in 'I'm so not involved I don't even know her name!') and *poof* the whole thing goes up in a plume of smoke.

By the way, the six party talks with North Korea seem to have disappeared into a mushroom cloud, er, plume, er, puff of smoke. You remember the North Koreans? They're the rogue state who claims to have nuclear weapons. No biggie.

Meanwhile CBS is suppressing its own story on the administration's reliance on false documents in their insistence on pursuing the Iraq war until after the elections. Because you wouldn't want any information on that to get out before November 2nd.

We hope you are all ready for watching the showdown on Thursday between the disciples of Rollin G. Osterweis. Believe it or not the candidates shared more than a school and a secret society: Kerry and Dubya had the same debate coach at Yale. 'Course, one of these men was a straight C student at Yale. The other one is Kerry.

Weekend Roundup

2004-09-27T19:41:00.000-04:00

Whoo, it was a busy weekend-- lots of movin' and shakin' going on, and not just in the trailer parks of Florida.

Some of you may remember that our fearless leader had earmarked more than $1bn to pay for insuring uninsured children. He may have earmarked it, but it seems he didn't actually dedicate it. Guess he's trying to make up for budget shortfalls. It's almost like the government revenues from corporate and upper class taxes disappeared and that the tax revenues from the overburdened middle class got spent on something else.

Prez hopeful Kerry uses a sport metaphor that doesn't involve windsurfing to describe Dubya's handling of the war on terror.

The House seems poised to castrate the new 'spy post.' This would be the intellegence supervisor that was recommended by the 9/11 commission. Because clearly the old way of doing things is so effective, right?

It appears that poverty is increasing, and has been on the rise since 'welfare reform.' (Oh Bubba, you were so much more diminished in our estimation for this policy atrocity than you ever were for the blue dress from the Gap.) Well. That's a frickin' surpise.

Apparently the folks going to watch the Scariest. Veep. Evah. have dropped a couple of cards in the comment box saying they'd like to see more "kitchen table issues." You know, the economy, outsourcing, social security, health care. In short, they'd really like it if he talked more like John Kerry and stopped being so scary. He's makin' the babies cry. One audience member pondered thusly: "In Missouri, Mr. Rau said he was unhappy with Mr. Cheney's brief discussion of the economy in his stump speech. "No, he didn't talk about it as much as I would like," he said. "As a whole, I was not satisfied." Nonetheless, neither he nor any of the other supporters interviewed said they might vote for Mr. Kerry." Which makes us think, if on the whole you aren't satisfied but you're still voting for him, what the hell would have to happen before you'd change your mind? Would he have to smack your grandmother around or something? Sheesh. We feel the need here to point out that repeating the same action over and over and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity.

By the way, if you are wondering about all those ads by 'citizens united' (what citizens? we're citizens and we're not united with you twats!) and where they get their money, well, keep wondering. They don't hafta tell ya.

And finally, if you thought that the whole Maggie-Thatcher's-son-all-caught-up-in-a-plot-to-
overthrow-an-obscure-African-country thing was all rather sketchy, you'll be delighted to know that your tax dollars may have been at work in the whole dodgy debacle.

RNC says the Dems want to steal your Bible

2004-09-24T20:14:00.000-04:00

The Spinmeister Alert Today Is:
Fiyah Engine Red

We gots three discs on the turntables today, my pretties. First, let us spin you a little yarn about the only thing in life other than death that is absolute. Besides the fact that the Red Sox will never, ever, ever be released from the curse. No, I mean taxes.

The Republican controlled house and senate and our fearless leader are all giving themselves hearty pats on the back for extending the "middle class" tax cut. Personally, we are always suspicious when we hear that the "middle class" is being offered a tax cut. Part of that skepticism comes from the persistent question of how all those no-bid Haliburton contracts are going to get paid. (If you have children, go tell them you voted for the guy that won, so it's not your fault. Otherwise, when they have no social security later in life they might still take you in and not put you on an ice flow heading to Greenland) The other part comes from the curiously amorphous category that is the "middle class tax cut."

So who is the middle class? Well the median income for a family of four in 2002 was $62,732. (Down from $63,278 in 2001). But what does that mean? It means an equal number of people made more and an equal number of people made less than that. That doesn't really explain middle class, so we consulted the census bureau. They had this to say: "The Census Bureau does not have an official definition of the "middle class," but it does derive several measures related to the distribution of income and income inequality." And what is happening to income inequality? "Generally, the long-term trend has been toward increasing income inequality." Well that doesn't sound very good. How bad is it? "Since 1969, the share of aggregate household income controlled by the lowest income quintile has decreased from 4.1 percent to 3.6 percent in 1997, while the share to the highest quintile increased from 43.0 percent to 49.4 percent. Most noticeably, the share of income controlled by the top 5 percent of households has increased from 16.6 percent to 21.7 percent."

In short, the poor are getting poorer, and the rich are getting richer, and the more divided between rich and poor US society is the lower the number of people who could realistically call themselves "middle class" will be. In the meantime, our fearless leaders want you to get a tax break. Maybe. Or not. Maybe they just want you to think that's what they want. Certainly that is the message Dubya seemed to be sending out when he said "I'm going to bring Republicans and Democrats together to make the code more simple and more fair." This could apparently be done by protecting the 'middle class' from the top 1%'s lawyers: "we've heard the rhetoric before, "tax the rich." The rich hire lawyers and accountants so that the middle class gets stuck with the bill." (And he should know! At $400,000 a year plus his investments, he's in the top 1%. Who's your lawyer?)

One might think that a fairer tax code would benefit those who need it the most. But if you think that it's because you looked up "fair" in the commiepinko dictionary, you frigging socialist. Led by Tom Delay, and backed by Bill Thomas and Trent Lott, "Congressional negotiators beat back efforts yesterday to expand and preserve tax refunds for poor families." This is all about the child tax credit, which for poor families was linked to their income over $10,000. Delay and others raised the bar: poor families will have to make more to get the credit. What does this mean? "Of the 11 million families claiming the child tax refund, more than 4 million -- with 9.2 million children -- will see their credit shrink or disappear in 2005." Children living in poverty across the country thank your steadfast commitment to the "fair" tax code, Mr. Delay.

But it's a "middle class" tax cut, so who gives a hoot about those poor people! But wait, what if "the legislation benefits high-income households considerably more than the middle class"? What if "Data from the Urban Institute-Brookings Institution Tax Policy Center show that the families in the middle of the income scale — those in the middle 20 percent of the income distribution — will receive an average tax cut of $162 in 2005 from this legislation. By contrast, those in the top fifth will get an average tax cut of $1,317, and those in the $200,000 - $500,000 income range will get an average tax cut of $2,390. More than two-thirds of the tax cut — 70 percent of it — will go to those in the top fifth. Some 47 percent of the tax cut will go to those in the top tenth of the income spectrum. But families in the middle 20 percent of the income scale will get only 9 percent of the bill’s tax cuts, a peculiar result for a bill promoted as a middle-class tax relief package."

By the way, for all you "middle class" corporations, it's time to party hardy! Because "the Congressional conference committee that crafted the middle-class extension bill moved $13 billion in largely corporate tax-cut costs out of the corporate tax bill and into the middle-class extension legislation. This may have been done to create room to pack $13 billion more in special-interest tax breaks into the corporate tax legislation, which Congress is expected to take up after the election."

Now that's what we call fair!

All giddy from those tax cuts, Rummy offered his thoughts on problematic elections: ""Well, so be it. Nothing's perfect in life, so you have an election that's not quite perfect. Is it better than not having an election? You bet," he said." Iraqi elections, in case you were wondering. Glad to see we are importing that familiar kind of democracy down to the details. You think Diebold will be supplying the machines?

In a joint statement between Dubya and Pakistan's President Musharraf, "President Musharraf reiterated his commitment to democracy and his intent to strengthen the country's democratic institutions and bring sustainable democracy to Pakistan." And we're sure he means it, even if he wasn't elected. And even if he keeps promising to give up being head of the military and then never does step down. But our fearless leader says it's okay to be a dictator. Unless your name is Saddam. And then you're just evil.

In writing about the Bush/Allawi press conference yesterday we didn't quite make it down to the Q&A section. But we did today!

When asked "Why haven't U.S. forces been able to capture or kill al Zarqawi, who's blamed for much of the violence?" Dubya came back with this answer: "We're looking for him. He hides...." That's right, he hides.

When asked to respond to Kerry's criticism of the "colossal failures of judgement" involved in entering into a war with Iraq, quick as a wounded jackrabbit, our fearless leader shot back "It's hard work in Iraq. Everybody knows that. We see it on our TV. " It's on TV, so that's how we know it's true.

And you know what? That Iraq being a hard place was a little bit of a theme in the Q&A section: " It's tough work, everybody knows that. It's hard work.... It's hard work in Iraq. Everybody knows that... It's hard work. The American people know that... And the times have been hard -- these are hard times... Going from tyranny to democracy is hard work... you can understand it's tough and still be optimistic. You can understand how hard it is and believe we'll succeed... because they have to make the hard choices for freedom..." Yes, Iraq is hard.

But Iraq isn't the only hard place. Sometimes you get hard questions even in a rose garden. Like when a reporter points to a series of misleading and outright inaccurate statements that you made, and then asks "Can you understand why Americans may not believe you?" And when asked a hard question, our fearless leader does not waiver, he just flat out ignores the question. "No. Anybody who says that we are safer with Saddam Hussein in power is wrong. " But sometimes you get a piss-ant reporter who is part bulldog, and he just won't let go. "Sir, may I just follow, because I don't think you're really answering the question. I mean, I think you're responding to Senator Kerry, but there are beheadings regularly, the insurgent violence continues, and there are no weapons of mass destruction. My question is, can you understand that Americans may not believe you when you say that America is actually safer today?" But a 'real man' always stays the course, even when it's pointing you in totally the wrong direction: "Imagine a world in which Saddam Hussein were still in power."

On a different note, if you don't want your hand-picked leader to look too much like a puppet, you might want to let him talk without interruption. And let him pick sometimes:

PRESIDENT BUSH: Hold on for a minute. Hold on for a minute, please, please. We've got other people from -- hold on for a second.

PRIME MINISTER ALLAWI: From the other --

PRESIDENT BUSH: From Iraq. Are you from Iraq?

Q No --

PRESIDENT BUSH: Okay. No, hold on for a second. We need people from Iraq first, please. One journalist from Iraq. You're not from Iraq, Allen. And neither are you, Elisabeth.

PRIME MINISTER ALLAWI: Give Al Arabiya --

PRESIDENT BUSH: Is anybody here from CBS? Roberts, there you are. Please.

It's funny, though, but when he said that thing about how "I saw a poll that said the right track/wrong track in Iraq was better than here in America. (Laughter.) It's pretty darn strong. I mean, the people see a better future." I wondered why he thought that made him look good. I mean, people are getting blown to bits on a daily basis, typhoid has broken out in Sad'r City, and Baghdad is averaging 14 hour black outs, and the Iraqi people are more optimistic about their future than Americans are about theirs? Uhm, that kinda sounds like people here might think you ain't doin' such a good job there, George.

Finally, our fearless leader seems to be sipping from the same mug of Kool-aid as his secretary of defense. Because all of a sudden we noticed that the Afghanis were in Najaf. "Our strategy is to help the Iraqis help themselves. It's important that we train Iraqi troops. There are nearly 100,000 troops trained. The Afghan (sic) national army is a part of the army. By the way -- it's the Afghan [sic] national army that went into Najaf and did the work there." We're thinking the Afghan national army has its own frigging problems back in Kabul. Whose brilliant idea was it to send them to Najaf? Or perhaps certain people have been saying for so long that there is a connection that they can't remember which way is up. Well we certainly feel safer. I'm sure PM Allawi also feels much better knowing that Iraq has a special place in this administration's heart, and that their interests will never be conflated with others'.

And last, but absolutely not least, the RNC admitted it had sent a mailing out in West Virginia and in Arkansas telling people that the Democrats were going to ban the Bible. Completely. Without. Shame. Shouldn't a bolt of lightening come out of the sky and smote these guys?

No Time to Delay!

2004-09-23T16:08:00.000-04:00

The Spinmeister Alert Today Is:
Burnished Orange

Either the GOP is feelin' a little cocky, or, like the Philadelphia City Hall, have way too much office equipment to keep track of. It looks like a couple of turntables have been sent down Texas way- the better for to spin with. In response to hearing that three of Senator Delay's "political associates" had been indicted, the GOP gave the lawmaker (and friend of alleged lawbreakers) a standing O. In a party to celebrate their ten year strangle hold on Congress, Republicans "spent nearly as much time ridiculing Democrats as they did touting the GOP record of tax cuts and other achievements." according to the WP. One might think that having one of their most visible and vocal leaders be connected to guys doing illegal stuff would be a moment to reflect, or, for some brave souls to maybe even question their leadership. This, dear friends, is exactly why you could never be a spy in the Republican camp. They would smell that pinkocommiepussy scent coming off of you from ten yards. Think like a frigging Republican. Do you got it? There they are, whirring to life....

Not one, not two, but THREE discs are spinning up in here,yo. Check this:

1) "When anybody drops indictments 40 days before an election, there's a political spin to it," Speaker J. Dennis Hastert (R-Ill.) said." That's right, Dennis "Wrasslemania"Hastert laid on the classic, the old skool, counterspin. If he were at a turntable, this would sound like an extended scratching segue on a De La Soul record. Wick-wick-wicky-wick.

1 1/2) ""I think it has made the [Republican] members even more supportive of the leader," said GOP Whip Roy Blunt (R-Mo.), who called the indictments politically motivated." Don't forget this is the On-Message Party. Counterspin support.

2) "Clearly, the Democrats' talking points were faxed to them from the Kinko's in Abilene, Texas," DeLay said, alluding to apparently forged memos that have plagued CBS News." Ah yes, Spinnin' a Diversion. One wonders if the senator has ever gone by the name Rumplestiltskin, because he seems to think he's spinning thread into gold here. I think he might need an update on who did it in the Kinko's with the Selecta. Mayhaps it was Col. Mustard, in cahouts with Roger Stone. (Nice to see that Republicans do recycle!)

3) "DeLay said Republicans want to keep pushing their agenda, including "passing sweeping lawsuit-abuse reform and universal regulatory reform to get predatory lawyers and busybody bureaucrats off small businesses' backs once and for all." When all else fails, close with an appeal to small business owners. Blazing Turntables. Tried and true, real Amurikins respond to being told that their fetters will be cut. Votin' for the GOP is like a ride through the open prarie on the back of a horse. No busybodies! No lawyers! Just you, and the land, and the sky, and your big gun, and a couple of twenties in your pocket from your small business. Take a deep breath, get the ragweed deep in your lungs- smells like... an oil refinery. Welcome to public lands the GOP way!

In other news, Yaser Hamdi, one of two American citizens who has been held for several years as an "enemy combtant," is going to be released. The American-born Saudi will then be sent to Saudi Arabia. I guess that proves he was a real threat, huh? The way they plan to let him out and send him to Saudi Arabia where they can keep a real close eye on him. Or something.

In the meantime, the PoTUS continued to say that things were going well in Iraq and the war on terror, noting, in a press conference with the interim PM Allawi in the Rose Garden that he sees "steady progress" and that "freedom is winning." (Maybe Freedom should send some troops then, cause the Costa Ricans just pulled out.) This was followed up by a five point 'plan' that was really a four point 'plan' since the first one (handing over 'sovereignty' has already been 'done'). A four point plan. Why does that sound so familiar? Where have we heard about a four point plan before...?

So let's see here. Last Friday Kerry says "First, the President has to get the promised international support so our men and women in uniform don’t have to go it alone. " Today, Dubya says "The fourth step in our plan is to enlist additional international support for Iraq's transition to democracy."

Hmm. Kerry said "Second, the President must get serious about training Iraqi security forces. " Then Dubya said " The second step is to help Iraq's new government establish stability and security. Iraq must be able to defend itself, and Iraqi security forces are taking increasing responsibility for their country's security."

Well. Kerry said "Third, the President must carry out a reconstruction plan that finally brings tangible benefits to the Iraqi people." Then Dubya said " The third step in our plan is to continue improving Iraq's infrastructure."

Golly, that's uncanny. Kerry said "Fourth, the President must take immediate, urgent, essential steps to guarantee the promised elections can be held next year." And then Dubya said " The fifth and most important step in our plan is to help Iraq conduct free, national elections no later than next January."

Huh. Will you look at that. It's not like it's surprising how close they are in their Iraq "plans," but it kinda looks like Dubya got up and read the high points of Kerry's speech to the press corps and to PM Allawi.

Speaking of the war on terror, we should all be shocked, shocked, to discover that during the tenure of the administration who claims to be best able to protect us from future attacks (this one goes out to you, VP), undercover agents were able to get weapons and explosives onto airplanes in 15 US airports. I'm sure going to sleep better tonight knowing that I have this administration protecting me.

At least we don't have Cat Stevens here terrorizing us! But now we do have to listen to the airline and Homeland Security accuse each other of incompetance in not recognizing that Mr. Islam represents a threat of the highest order. Perhaps this bickering distracted the agents who were supposed to be watching for actual terrorists or agents posing as them who might be carrying weapons or explosives onto planes. In 15 US airports.

Jimmy Swaggart has decided to apologize for saying on Canadian television that were he to be spyed a little too closely by a queer eye, he wouldn't just pluck out the offending organ- he'd kill its owner and lie to God about it. First of all Jimmy, we're a little confused about what you think would qualify you as a hunk. Have you banished mirrors from the house as the devil's work? Second of all, we're wondering if you've got a passage that could shore up the moral side of this statement. Finally, I wonder where all this hostility comes from? Were you once burned by a transvestite hooker or something?

"Maybe if he could just speak more in sound bites, you know, quick catchy phrases."

2004-09-22T22:06:00.000-04:00

So the reaction from the Dems after JFK emerged, chrysalis-like, at his NYU speech? Cautious optimism. And the concern that Kerry is too big of thought for sound bites. Still, he got a good one off when he told Letterman that Dubya had held up the debate negotiations while working on a compromise that would allow him to sit on Cheney's lap.

Meanwhile, the Spinmeister rises!

The Spinmeister Alert Today Is:
Lemon Yellow

Bush's UN speech was the subject of talk today, mostly because a) world leaders politely but unenthusiastically clapped only at the end of his speech (which in the reified circles of international diplomacy is like hurling horse shit at the speaker); and b) the speech appeared designed for US voters. Which is an interesting tactic when speaking to the UN which has, hmmm, not one blessed registered voter in the room. Except maybe the janitor. The WP noted that the speech involved spinning the "greatest hits" of the administration. Yes, spinning. No exactly designed to win friends and influence people in the international set, who don't like feeling like election pawns. So, all in all, another day in Dubya's world!

But the spinnin' was just beginnin', cause Rovie's on the case! Joe Lockhart may have been trying to link the WH to the suspect documents (not the Niger ones, those are apparently Tony's fault) , but the WH thinks they are linked to Joe Lockhart. Personally, we think this one might be a draw. Either everybody's linked, or nobody's linked, but really, who gives a shit?

Well, maybe Warren Klecan does! He says that "If John Kerry were here today and experienced this, John Kerry would vote for Bush" Huh. Now that's an interesting claim to make. I may be goin' out on a limb here, but you know what Warren? I'm thinkin' that Kerry may need a little more than a canned Dubya pep rally to make him, you know, vote against himself. Why don't you go pull some chick's hair or something, work all that delusion out of your system.

In other news, the CIA says that there were seriously big mistakes in the intelligence analysis leading up to the invasion of Iraq, but that their conclusions were "reasonable." Are we alone in thinking that "reasonable" mistakes that get people killed are, like, not really okay?

And in still other news, three of Tom Delay's aides have been indicted for being scum-sucking pigs. Okay, the official indictment was for "illegally raising political funds from corporations in 2002, much of which was funneled into the Republican takeover of the Texas legislature." Is there a difference, really?

The Bush administration also decided to stick it to all those damned northeast states who refuse to see the world through Manichean-binary colored glasses (why can't they just vote for me?), yanking funding out from under Section 8 housing vouchers in New York and New England. Phew! And just in time! I thought we were all going to break under the strain of Section 8- now we'll have more money for utterly pointless invasions in new and interesting oil rich nations!

I'm sure you will all be so very happy and relieved to hear that you have been saved from Cat Stevens. The danger was so great his flight was redirected to Bangor, Maine, from whence he was deported back to England. And in this way, our fearless leader has saved all of us, especially at Dulles Airport, from the possible danger of having to hear "Wild World." A remote danger since Mr. Stevens has become Mr. Islam and has sworn off performing pop music, but still. You can never be to careful with soft rock.

Oooh, baby, baby, it's a wild world... it's hard to get by on a smile, girl....

Cheney can claim Bush as a dependent

2004-09-21T21:00:00.000-04:00

In a shocking shift today, it appears that both the Democrats and the Republicans are targeting "unreliable" voters. I know that up until now it's been all about "undecideds" and the rest of us can, in the words of our "second" in command, go fuck ourselves, but apparently it's not just for indecisive folks anymore! It's for people who are decided who they would vote for, but just can't be bothered to make it official. Perhaps this is the group that Bill O'Reilly thinks Jon Stewart, swami-like, has control over.

In the meantime (I guess to get those unreliables!) the Leviathon awakens! The Johns have made undeniably critical statements about the Bush administration's decision to go to Iraq. In response, there has been some spinning, however I think Rovie must have taken a personal day. I'm sure both barrels will be blazing tomorrow. In the meantime,

The Spinmeister Alert Today Is:
Old Yeller

Starting with the fun stuff, Kerry was on Letterman, where he gave his top ten list of Bush tax proposals, in which he suggested that Cheney could itemize Dubya on his return.

At a speech at NYU Kerry said Bush was guilty of "stubborn incompetence," noting that "Today, President Bush tells us that he would do everything all over again, the same way," Mr. Kerry said. "How can he possibly be serious? Is he really saying that if we knew there were no imminent threat, no weapons of mass destruction, no ties to Al Qaeda, the United States should have invaded Iraq?" He followed up with the skeleton of a plan, including four points on dealing with security issues.

Meanwhile, the situation is such that even folks in the On-Message Party are beginning to grumble. " McCain said Bush had been "perhaps not as straight as maybe we'd like to see."

Even Porter Goss, the nominee for the head of the CIA is saying mistakes were made. And this is a guy who has a reputation as being, ahem, partisan.

So what is the reaction from the WH?

First, he bashed the CIA's report that forecasts a gloomy future in terms of security:

"The CIA laid out several scenarios. It said that life could be lousy, life could be OK, life could be better. And they were just guessing as to what the conditions might be like," said the president."

Perhaps they were imagining life after November 2nd. Then he said that Kerry was "hardly credible" on the issue of security, and said that his opponent thought the world was better with Saddam in power. I guess that must be the part of the speech where Kerry suggested there was a special place in hell for Saddam. It almost sounds like the turntables were whirring to life there....

But the sound was drowned out by the PoTUS' call for dipping into the kitty to pay for this little Iraq adventure. That $25 billion was supposed to be an "insurance policy" and was something they were hoping not to have to dip into when they set it up four months ago. One might think that either a) things aren't exactly going as planned, or b) these guys is kinda bad planners, or c) these guys is such bad planners that their plans are fricking worthless. He then said that Kerry's assertation that more guard call ups are coming after Nov. 2nd if the election goes to Dubya, was "false and ridiculous." One might want to note that the guard call up thing is a "planning" issue, and might want to revisit a,b,and c above.

Meanwhile Iran converts uranium in defiance of the UN. Is this a big deal? Hard to tell. Defying the UN seems to mean something if you are Saddam and you are on Mr. Swagger's shitlist. If you're Kim Jong Il, not so much. People in the administration whose daddy had not been the target of an 'assassination' attempt by anyone in Iran are on the fence about this one.

In a move one might think were designed to send a mixed message, Dubya also ended the embargo against Liby a. Ghaddafi's homeland was not, however, removed from the list of state sponsors of terrorism. So state sponsors of terrorism are fine for trading, unless they might/claim to have nuclear weapons, in which case you ignore them.

But we were just too distracted to pay attention to any of this, because there, in the sports section of the NYTimes, there was an article that said gays are trying to take over that bastion of station: the country club. In a turn of events that just might force priviledged members of the GOP to support a gay marriage amendment, two same sex couples are suing to have spousal membership priviledges at the club extended to their partner. Not seeing how this means backing off the constitutional amendment? Check it out: for a number of reasons, many same sex couples are childless. One of these reasons is that the lack of recognition of the same sex couple as a family unit both makes it more difficult, and can make adoption a non-option in some states. Which means more disposable income not being spent on little Kevin and Katie's college fund. Disposable income. Just the kinda thing one might need to join a country club.

Meanwhile, the PoTUS is "pleased with the progress" in Iraq. Huh. Wonder how we are defining progress. There were more US combat deaths in July- the month after the handover of power- than in June. And more in August than in July. And September is shaping up to be even deadlier. We must have different measuring tools. Which begs the question- who the hell is doing the daily WH briefing, and are they serving them up Cheech and Chong style?

So all in all, not a high spin day for the Rovemeister.

On the other hand, Kerry not only got in the Letterman top ten, he got a double snap on the PoTUS when he told Regis and that other chick that isn't Kathy Lee (thank fricking god) that it's taken so long to schedule the debates because his opponent wanted a "life line". Ba-dum-chiiii.

Better still, Terry McAuliffe of the DNC decided that he'd try his hand at the turntables himself, asking the GOP to explain whether they no anything about the Post's Roger Stone being involved in Selecta-gate, the font that distracted from 18 layers of spin. In his statement he asks:

"Will Ed Gillespie or the White House admit today what they know about Mr. Stone’s relationship with these forged documents? Will they unequivocally rule out Mr. Stone’s involvement? Or for that matter, others with a known history of dirty tricks, such as Karl Rove or Ralph Reed?"

To which I say, dude. Shazam. We're all in trouble when the people of the DNC get hoppin' mad.

The Spin'n'Dry Alert Today Is:
Sunkist Orange

Finally Ralph Nader is blaming Kerry for his lack of success in getting on the ballot in all states. Gee Ralph, were your new GOP friends just not able to buy your way onto the ballot? They got you on in Florida, what more do you want? Hmmm, we have a thought, maybe you couldn't get on the ballot because people think you're an asshole. Just a thought.

GOP pollsters hit the hills of Kandahar!

2004-09-20T21:37:00.000-04:00

As we work our way toward the debates, the WP helpfully reminds us that Dubya hasn't taken questions from reporters for more than a month, has only had 15 press conferences throughout the entire presidency, and that he only answers canned pre-screened supporter questions at the 'town hall' meetings (what the hell kinda town halls are these?). Ah, the better for his brain to spend its time elsewhere, spinning.....

The Spinmeister Alert Today is:
Flaming Pink

One of the most effective spin techniques of the current administration is their ability to get everybody utterly on message. It doesn't matter how outrageous the claim is, if everybody is saying it it must be true. Or something along those lines. For example, if one could get every Republican to state publicly, over a short period (say three days) that John Kerry wears pink speedo underpants over his suits in Congress, John Edwards used to be a woman, and that their platform states that if elected we will all be forced to have sex with goats, then there would suddenly be all sorts of discussion of pink underpants, sex changes and a proposal for executing all goats in America.

Republicans have decided to leave the pink underpants claim for sometime in October. Meanwhile, they appear to have all received the memo that this week's message is: terrorists love John Kerry.

You might ask, how on earth could they know such a thing? Are they doing terrorist polling? Have they called up Osama and asked him what his thoughts on the election are? If they know his number, why not just capture him? Wait a second, you may be thinking, there's no way in hell that they could actually know something like this. And if they don't actually know this to be true (because if they actually know these things, then they are in contact with and asking the opinion of Osama and terrorists like him), then they are making this up.

But a complete lack of evidence never stopped this administration and its supporters! No siree bob! And it wasn't going to stop 'em now, by golly!

Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert stopped accusing George Soros of making money from illegal drugs long enough to state that Al Qaeda "would like to influence this election" reminding people of the train bombings in Madrid (be afraid to vote! you'll probably be blown up on the way to the polls!). He then told reporters that it was his opinion that Kerry being elected would make it easier on al Qaeda. His spokesperson John Feehery clarified by stating "If John Kerry is perceived as being weak on the war, then of course, his election would be perceived as a good thing by the terrorists." (be afraid of voting for John Kerry if you don't get blown up going to the polls!) So apparently the Speaker knows how terrorists will perceive the U.S. elections. Does this knowledge come from empathy, or was he channeling the spirit of a suicide bomber or what?

Deputy Secretary of State Richard Armitage minced no words in his adherence to this week's message when he "alleged Friday that insurgents have stepped up their deadly assaults in Iraq because they want to "influence the election against President Bush"..." Is Mr. Armitage at the insurgents' planning sessions? Do they send him memos? Dear Richard, Enclosed please find the minutes of this week's meeting. Please pay particular attention to point number two, where we state that our purpose in assaulting Iraqi police cadets and American soldiers is purely out of a desire to see John Kerry in office. Sincerely, The Insurgents

Even the old hands are out there on message- and they got the memo early! Ollie North (the guy who made running drugs for guns with an embargoed country "patriotic") said on the June 8th Sean Hannity show that: "Every -- every terrorist is hoping John Kerry gets elected. I'll say it. Every terrorist out there is hoping John Kerry is the next president of the United States." Well, gosh, Ollie, do you know every terrorist? Or just a few terrorists? Are you taking a random sample to come to this conclusion? And how did you devise your sample? Were you sure to have al Qaeda, Chechen insurgents, Iraqi insurgents, Palestinian suicide bombers and homegrown white supremicist nutjobs in numbers proportionate to their populations when you comprised your sample? Cause you know, Ollie, if your sample isn't well devised it can have a real effect on the results of your survey. And it really isn't very good methodology to extrapolate the opinion of just a few terrorists you know and could get on the horn. You should be more careful- you know, not make things up.

Of course, the Reverand Moon, stealer of old ladies' money, has been saying since mid-August that Osama is an anti-GOP guy:"The goal of the next attack is twofold: to damage the U.S. economy and to undermine the U.S. election," the official said. "The view of al Qaeda is 'anybody but Bush.' " Perhaps the reverand was catching al Qaeda's radio chatter through his crown and that's why he knows so well what Osama really wants. Or maybe he's just been talking to Ollie.

On September 16th Morton M. Kondracke stated on Brit Hume's FOX channel 'special report' that: "There's clearly a campaign going to raise the level of casualties. And I think this is a rolling tent is what we're seeing, you know, like 1968 in Vietnam, designed to discourage the United States from persisting in the -- and maybe even trying to help elect [Senator] John Kerry for all I know." Huh. Leave it to these Fox guys to figure out that the rising casualties are an attempt by insurgents to get Kerry into office. And what a clear explanation Mr. Kondracke gives- why the "rolling tent" thing in Vietnam just explains exactly what the terrorists' strategy might be. (?!?)

So hats off to the doctor of spin, who waxes and maxes the vinyl.

Oh yes, and in case you were wondering, your toothpaste may be gay.

Weekend Roundup

2004-09-20T20:53:00.000-04:00

For those of you who wondered what the hell PoTUS meant when he declared a desire for an "ownership society" during his acceptance speech at the RNC, take a look-see at what privatizing K-12 education looks like in California. One man's "ownership society" is another man's educational disaster, but hey why be nitpicky when it's only your health care, pension and your kids' schooling. That stuffs for pussies, so quit yer whinin'!

The Bush Administration has now decided that Cuba may not be armed after all. Glad it didn't take an invasion to figure that out. Apparently they are still worried that the Cubans might be making "dual use" products. The NYTimes gives this helpful definition for clarity: "The term "dual use" refers to items that could be used for both civilian and military programs." That's about as broad as the side of a barn and as easy to hit. Wouldn't underpants go into that category?

The WP notes that tax reform "in Mr. Bush's hands, it would probably be bad." At least for the 99% of us who won't benefit, one might imagine.

There was further grist for the mill of the Frank Rich/David Brooks debate (appearing to lean more towards Rich) on the question of whether people vote against their economic interests because of "values," (Rich) or because the Dems are a snooty coastal people (Brooks). Apparently the economy might be an issue in the campaign upon which voters will decide, unless they're in Missouri, in which case making sure gays are discriminated against is far more important than one's own access to health care. Or so it seems.

Perhaps the most interesting story of the weekend was the interruption of a speech made by Laura Bush in New Jersey by a woman whose son had been killed in Iraq. She demanded to know why her son had been sent to die, and was drowned out by a crowd that boxed her in and yelled 'four more years' at her. What kind of compassionate conservatism is this? Give us your sons and daughters while ours sleep tight (and for Jenna that should be taken in Dashel Hammett sense), but dare not question. Sue Niederer, whose son Seth Dvorin died in Iraq in February, was arrested for having the audacity to ask why her son, and not those of the men and women who sent us to war. Mrs. Niederer can't have her son back: the least they can do is give her an answer.

Bounce this, bitch!

2004-09-16T18:45:00.000-04:00

The Spinmeister Alert today is:
Red Hot

Where to start where to start where to start...? Well, could start with the news that George Soros is asking for a probe into the ethics of Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert making public and potentially slanderous remarks about the provenance of Soros' money. Hastert stated that Soros' fortune might be the result of the illegal drug trade. Interesting theory, and yet utterly without substantiation. Kind of like statements made by people wearing tin foil hats claiming to have cloned alien babies. Except potentially illegal rather than just weird.

What else? Well, to my mind the most underplayed story of the day is that Kofi Annan declared the war in Iraq illegal. Did you miss that? It kind of felt like everyone in the media did too-- it was not front page on either the WP or the NYTimes. One might suspect that the head of the United Nations declaring of the invasion:

"I have indicated it was not in conformity with the UN charter from our point of view, from the charter point of view, it was illegal."

One might think this would prompt a flurry of denials and accusations from the invading party- and the UK and Australia were immediate in their responses, including an official spokesperson for the UK foreign office and Australia's Prime Minister Howard. From the Bush administration? Well, they've got Randy Scheunemann on their side! Randy Scheunemann? Who the hell is that? Why, he is a former Bush administration aide. He used to work for Rummy. And he's 'angry', so everyone better watch out for Randy- he'll have that Kofi Annam yiping home with his tail between his legs! I'm glad to see they got out the big guns. But the real question is- where the hell is Poland? Why aren't they calling for Annan's head?

When the media don't think it's a story, there ain't no point in wasting the spin.

Wait! What is that I see on the horizon?? Could it be?? I suddenly feel like I should be wearing day glo orange ray-ban sunglasses and fingerless lacy gloves...

That "eleven point bounce" that was much discussed- particularly in conjunction with labelling the Kerry campaign a "disaster"- has bounced back. Bush and Kerry now appear to be running neck and neck according to polls (of which I am avowedly always suspicious). How to spin this:

" In the Harris Interactive poll, 51 percent said they do not believe Bush "deserves to be re-elected for another four years," compared with 45 percent who said they do, according to The Wall Street Journal."

Huh. Now, if I were a spinmeister, I would do all I could to create a distraction. War in Iraq not going so great, economy not so hot, gas prices up, and now all these major probes into whether or not the PoTUS disobeyed a direct order while he was shirking his duty in the guard! Shit shit shit-- everything seems to be going to hell! Unless...

Unless the documents prove to be faked... Jackpot! What could be better than this? This is like manna from heaven!! Manna from heaven? you say, scraching your head. How the hell can having your guy be called a priviledged ass who couldn't take orders be manna from heaven? Okay, listen here peeps, I'm gonna break it down for you:

1) Papers come out which state that PoTUS did not show up for duty, disobeyed a direct order to get physical, was all around goof-off, and that his CO was PO'd about having to sugarcoat what a lout his charge was because of who he was.
2) Is that a typewriter in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me? Papers printed out on computer, not typewriter. Uh-oh.
3) Papers fake = accusations fake?
4) Scott McClellan, the WH spokesman (read: Spinderella) says: "It's really because Sen. Kerry cannot win when the discussion is on the issues and the future for the American people," he said. "There is no question about the timing (of the attacks) and there is no question that this is an orchestrated effort by the Kerry campaign and Democrats to bring down the president."
5) Now no one is paying attention to the content of the papers because they are forged, and no one is paying attention to any issues, because Scott McClellan says we should be angry/worried that he thinks the Kerry campaign is forging documents about Bush's decidedly poor showing in the Guard.
6) The din becomes so loud, what with the media prostrating itself, and people asking who authenticated the documents, that one might wonder who is paying attention to what the woman who used to type the good Colonel's letters has to say on the topic: "I know that I didn't type them," she said in an interview with CBS. "However, the information in those is correct."
7) And to tie it all up in a neat bow, the Queen of Slander puts out an op-ed piece bashing the "elite media," who blame Karl Rove for everything. Like they shouldn't or something.

Now everybody put on your tin foil hat because it is now conspiracy theory time. The possiblity that this might be pure spin had not occurred to me until I read about the possibility in the paper.... Imagine if this were spin. What amazing spin that would be! By admitting in writing to all of the horrible things that your boy is said to have done- and then pull the rug out from under the accusations by having forged real charges. Is it possible? This is pretty spectacular, even for a dirty tricks professional. But if it is then this would be Red Hot Spin.

By the way, I found this headline today: Miss America to Showcase More Skin, Less Talent. Uhhh, less talent?

New Spinmeister Alert System

2004-09-15T18:51:00.000-04:00

I must admit to being amazed in a horrified and, well, terrified sort of way at the spin skills of Bush's Brain. He is the frigging Terminator X of Republican politics. (And the GOP being the world of bizarro, this means that the message is more of a Pay No Attention to the Man Behind the Curtain kinda spin) Were his plans not evil, his abilities would be admirable. But they are evil, so really he's just mofo scary, yo.

So I'll take this moment to institute the New Spinmeister Alert System. This is the brilliant idea of a friend of mine, and I love it so much that I decree it must be put into action. Decreed! I'm going to start each blog with a color coded alert for the day's spin. The bigger the spin and/or the lie, the higher the alert.

Today's Alert is:
ORANGE

In the LA Times our fearless leader is quoted as saying:

"You cannot be pro-doctor, pro-patient, pro-hospital and pro-trial lawyer at the same time," Bush said at a rally Friday in West Virginia. "You have to choose. My opponent made his choice, and he put him on the ticket."

Hmmm. So if you are pro-trial lawyer you must be anti-doctor, anti-patient, and anti-hospital. What do you do if your mother is a patient at the hospital where your doctor brother works and you're married to a trial lawyer? Maybe you vote for Nader.

Dubya's obsession with trial lawyers is an interesting one. This certainly isn't the first time this has been brought up. Trial lawyers were mentioned in his acceptance speech at the RNC, and they were the point of Dubya's word wrassle the other day. But this is actually an issue that has been on his platform since his gubanatorial days. Back in the pre-Edwards days this was called federal tort reform, and he brought a certain measures of it to Texas.

Could it be that trial lawyers and "lawsuit abuse destroys jobs, drives doctors out of business and forces companies into bankruptcy," as the U.S. Chamber of Commerce has stated? (By the way, the Chamber of Commerce has traditionally stayed the hell out of presidential election politics. Karl Rove in the house! Go Rovie! Go Rovie! It's your birthday! It's your birthday!) (Sidebar number two, the CoC has produced a $10 million ad campaign to educate us voters about the virtual sodom and gomorrah that is trail lawyer-dom. I doubt that was paid out of pocket by Mr. Donohue. I kind of suspect that, like John Ashcroft's $8,650 boob shield (which someone should take off the statue and put on the boob), we are probably footing the bill).

To answer my own question, uh, no. Or rather, only if you are, say, a company like Haliburton (or its susidiary KBR) who buys a company like DII Industries who might be, like, being sued for asbestos claims. But don't take my word for it, check out the horse's mouth. I'm particularly fond of the passage where it is explained that filing chapter 11 doesn't mean they will skip out on all of their obligations, "except for contract provisions regarding asbestos- and silica-related indemnity claims. (These claims will be handled by the settlement trusts.). Remember that this filing is being done only for the purpose of resolving the asbestos and silica liability issue." It's right after the place where they explain that chapter 11 doesn't mean 'bankrupt' the way it does in Europe.

I wonder who might be interested in making sure that companies like Haliburton/KBR don't get their pants sued off by people dying of cancer from asbestos exposure? Can't imagine.

But are "frivolous lawsuits" actually ruining the "American way of life," as the CoC claims? Roll out the numbers!

"The Justice Department's Bureau of Justice Statistics and the National Center for State Courts track civil trials and verdicts in the nation's 75 largest counties. In April, the bureau reported that in the last decade, the number of cases had gone down, not up.

The number of general civil cases disposed of by trial in the nation's largest counties declined from 22,451 in 1992 to 11,908 in 2001, it reported — a 47% decline. The plaintiffs won about half the time, and the overall median award was $37,000 in 2001, down from $65,000 in 1992.

These cases included automobile accidents, medical malpractice and product-liability claims. About one-third of the cases involve contract claims, which typically involve one business suing another.

The medical malpractice claims resulted in larger verdicts; 27% won a verdict, but the median amount in 2001 was $431,000, up from $253,000 in 1992.

These data include only trials and verdicts; most civil suits are dismissed or result in settlements, and no figures are available on those outcomes. Nonetheless, government statistics do not show a sharp rise in big-money verdicts."

Fewer lawsuits, and for lawsuits in general the settlements have gone down since 1992. The amount paid out in medical malpractice suits has gone up over the last 12 years (though so has the price of milk), however, only 27% of suits won a verdict. The impact of these suits on medical malpractice insurance- the reason cited for doctors, particularly OB-GYNs, ceasing to "love" their patients- is, however, not so much. The price of stocks on the market may be a better indicator of why malpractice insurance is going up.

Okay, so why are we being told over and over and over that there is a direct corallary between trial lawyers and OB-GYNs deciding not to practice in parts of Nevada? One reason might be because of the information we are getting from the media:

"A study over six years in the New York area found the median jury award to be $250,000. However, during the same period, the median of the jury awards cited in the New York Times and New York Newsday was $4.3 million."

The New York Frigging Times. The "paper of record," was off by more than $4 million. Was Jayson Blair writing this stuff? That is a 1720% markup.

Where else might this information be coming from? What is that I hear? Is it....

"Karl Rove [Bush's political strategist] figured out a long time ago that attacking the civil justice system is a good fundraising tool for the Republican Party," said Suggs, the trial lawyers' leader. "These days, we get mentioned more often in presidential speeches than Osama bin Laden. But then again, Bush knows where we are."

The Spinmeister strikes again!!!

Also, in case you missed it, Marion Barry, the erstwhile mayor of Washington, DC, unseated the incumbant city councilperson for the city's Ward 8 in the primary election on September 14th. Yes, the man who made the phrase "the bitch set me up!", among others, famous and who showed that you could become something even if you get busted doing crack with hookers, is a shoe-in for the council seat. Glad to see there is no end to the number of second chances one can have.

The WP had a couple of choice quotes from the man soon to be Ward 8's representative in city government:

He went on: "There's this phrase in the Bible, goes something like, 'Don't talk about the splinter in my eye if you have a plank in your eye.' "

"Amen," someone said, and Barry smiled and leaned back a little. In the cool air, he let out a croon.

"Victory is miiiiine," he sang, holding the note, sounding like an old-time doo-wop singer on a street corner, which is where he was.

Monster Trucks!

2004-09-14T19:26:00.000-04:00

In the wake of last week's horrifying terrorist attack on a school, Russian President Vladimir Putin looked deep in his heart and pulled up a little Stalin. In order to 'combat' terrorism, Putin is proposing to pull the government back from the brink of democracy, giving himself even more control over the political scene and opportunities for legitimate opposition. In a strike against "Those who inspire, organize and carry out terrorist acts are striving to disintegrate the country," Putin is proposing to appoint governors rather than their being elected, which begs the question of whether or not Putin believes that the governors, like the teachers' union, are terrorists. Perhaps someone should ask Bush, after all, he looked into the man's soul and hired Rod Paige.

All that stuff about Colin Powell yesterday.. forget it, he's back on board.

If Dick Cheney didn't manage to scare you with his 'vote for us or die' speech, then his running mate has a different threat for you: he says Kerry's health care plan will be a "government takeover." Huh. I would have thought that after the Patriot Act was done taking over there wouldn't be much left to take. Go figure.

The NYTimes has a great piece by an accountant explaining all the ways in which the GOP 'simpler' tax forms will, in fact, add all new levels of complexity and confusion.

There are cries from the WP today that demented voters might get into polling stations, as they apparently did in 2000. Explains a lot about Florida. If your grandmother thinks it's 1942, maybe it's best if she stays home that day. Especially if she has been listening to the PoTUS' mathematics lessons. Apparently his descriptions of costs for the four additional years he proposes taking vacations in Texas rather than living there full time will actually cost an extra $3 trillion he isn't owning up to. Gee, George, it looks to me like you dropped about 18 zeros off your total.

One might also think he dropped a zero off the troop totals in Afghanistan, were one concerned about terrorism and Osama bin Laden, the guy behind 9/11 (I know this is confusing since the Veep keeps insisting it was Saddam and Rummy can't keep them straight, but really, this is the guy). There are 140,000 in Iraq, and only 20,000 in Afghanistan. Wow, might lead you to believe that Osama isn't really much of a priority, huh? Of course, in an interview with Wolf Blizter Condi Rice had this to say:

BLITZER: But Ayman al-Zawahiri and Osama bin Laden, his boss, they are still at large.

RICE: They're still at large, but they're at large and on the run. They're not sitting and directing operations from a base in Afghanistan. It doesn't make them not dangerous. Of course they're dangerous. But we have to look at the tremendous progress that we've made over the last three years in making their lives miserable.

Well, there you go! Osama orchestrates 9/11, and this administration makes his life miserable. Who needs to catch these people when you can make him live in a damp cave?

Speaking of Condi Rice, warner of mushroom clouds, she had some stern words for North Korea on CNN. First of all, the mushroom cloud isn't believed to be a mushroom cloud, and even though the North Koreans say they were blowing up a mountain in order to build a dam, Condi now speculates that it might have been a forest fire. This happens all the time, right? Hell, last time I was in LA there was a forest fire outside of town and it felt like Nevada 1952! But we all figure the North Koreans must be shaking in their shoes, right? The administration convinces itself that Iraq had WMDs and they got invaded. Now they've got a mushroom cloud on the horizon, shit shit, dude, so busted! Right, cause you're mom has no idea what pot smells like. So here is what Condi had to say, talking tough:

"And so the North Koreans would only succeed in isolating themselves further if they're somehow trying to gain negotiating leverage or their own October surprise. We don't know. They would simply serve to isolate themselves even further."

That's right. Kim Jong Il might have exploded a nuclear device, and if he did, well, that's going to isolate him. Well, that would suck, huh? To go from being the most isolated country in the world to, uh...wait a second....

The WP today has an article about Li Dang, who is trying against all odds to wake up the Chinese government to the AIDS epidemic that is happening whether they acknowledge it or not. He is either shockingly naive, possessed of superhuman bravery, or perhaps both. Without these qualities, nothing of real import ever gets done (think of Ghandi!), so take a little of Mr. Li's bravery to heart and push the world to change for the better.

One place to start would be to make sure no one you know buys an extreme truck. But maybe you don't know any complete dumbasses, in which case you should pick a more worthy cause.

Batman and Barbie! We'll have to wait for the Kim Jong Il action figure with the removable hair

2004-09-13T19:24:00.000-04:00

For all of you out there who don't believe in superheroes, you'll be shocked and amazed to see proof that Batman is alive and well. Or at least some dotty bugger who thinks he's Batman is alive and well. First of all, someone who loves this man needs to tell him that the suit is not really flattering for the knobby and knock-knee-ed. Second of all, dear Lord, what the hell was Buckingham Palace security thinking when they let this guy in? Did it not occur to anyone that the nut in the Batman outfit might be up to something?

Other news from the weekend takes the shape of my having to apologize to Condoleeza Rice for all the times I took her name in vain and declared her to a lying cow. Apparently when she said one day we might get a smoking gun in the form of a mushroom cloud, she wasn't kidding. Over the weekend a large mushroom cloud was spotted over the North Korean province of Yanggang. Pyongyang claims that it wasn't a nuclear device like the one they claimed to have developed, but was a blast to blow up a mountain for dam work. Wait a second, North Korea claims to have nuclear devices, is known to have enriched materials that could be used to make a nuclear device, appears to consider everybody an enemy except for China and sometimes Cambodia (Hun Sen has North Korean body guards), and a mushroom cloud appears on the horizon.... and this prompts some finger wagging and a warning that it's not a good idea to use nuclear devices from the Bush administration. Meanwhile, in Iraq there were no nuclear weapons, or apparently any WMDs of any sort, but this prompted an invasion. Does anyone else feel like there are some misread cues going on here? Like someone needs to rewrite the "this is what a threat looks like" section of the handbook? I mean, it's hard to mix up Kim Jong Il, the dictator with the best dictator style, and Saddam. Granted, Saddam had a little bit of the Ghadahfi flavah going on (and definitely they had the same interior decorator), but there ain't no one that can hold a candle to Jam Master Jong, yo. Which kind of gets back to the good doctor Rice's claim that the mushroom cloud was going to be the smoking gun that would prove Saddam to be a threat. The same Saddam who had his hair checked for lice on national television. Huh.

Well, everyone seems to think it really was just the North Koreans building a dam. But Dr. Rice was still all confused about a rather important part of this formula, so I take it all back- she's still a cow.

Speaking of confusion over who is and isn't a threat, one has to wonder if Rummy wasn't either in his cups or if all these months of staying on message despite all evidence of what was happening in the real world has so gotten to him that he can't delineate between reality and Neo-Con Land. On Friday the king of the dismissive comment gave a speech in which:

"Among other things, Rumsfeld talked about the world just before the Sept. 11 attacks, whose third anniversary is today. In Afghanistan, he told the National Press Club, "the leader of the opposition Northern Alliance, Masoud, lay dead, his murder ordered by Saddam Hussein, by Osama bin Laden, Taliban's co-conspirator." .... Later, Rumsfeld said, "Saddam Hussein, if he's alive, is spending a whale of a lot of time trying to not get caught. And we've not seen him on a video since 2001."

Well, now, I don't know what kind of cable tv you guys got over there at the Pentagon, but damn, I do believe I have seen video of Saddam after 2001. Unless of course there is something you know that the rest of us don't. Perhaps next week we'll hear a speech from Cheney telling us that Kim Jong Il is actually Osama, he's just had plastic surgery.

Check out the RNC protection of free speech! Goes well with the little weasel who kicked a protester who had already been dragged to the floor by guards. Let's hear it for compassionate conservatism! The kind of men who would gladly send someone else to war!

Speaking of sending people to war, Colin Powell seems to think that a draft that let rich boys go to Alabama during Vietnam is a bad way to do the war business. It's not the first time he has said this (it was in his 1995 autobiography), but the timing is interesting. Actually, Powell was on a roll- he also said that it is unlikely that stockpiles of WMDs will be found in Iraq. Now, there were people who were saying such things before anybody got killed over this, but it's always nice to see people come around eventually. Particularly when it is a turnaround from saying things like "There can be no doubt that Saddam Hussein has biological weapons and the capability to rapidly produce more, many more." I hope he's drafting a memo to send to his boss.

Oh yes, and for all of those just dying to know, Paris Hilton loves sparkly things, hearts, and pink. Why? "Pink reminds me of Barbie, who is one of my fashion icons." This seems particularly apropos now that the doll idol has had breast reduction surgery and might look more like Paris were she a real girl. You know, like someone who needs a twinkie or two.

Polls Schmolls

2004-09-10T15:16:00.000-04:00

Argh, this week I have felt beseiged by polls, which I admit is in no small way connected to the fact that Dubya has seen convention 'bounce.' One out today says that the war in Iraq isn't having much of an affect on poll numbers. Over the weekend following the RNC, some polls were coming up with numbers saying Dubya got an 11 point bounce. Meanwhile, Zogby International put out polls taken in battleground states early in the week saying that, while there had been a little bounce, it was nothing like 11 points, and that Kerry still has an edge.

I admit that it's nice to see polls that go the way you want them to, but it's nicer to have a president you can get behind. Every time I hear poll numbers I have to wonder where the numbers come from. First of all, when they say that the war in Iraq isn't having much affect support for the administration I am first disheartened, because I wonder how it is that the war is seen as anything other than a complete debacle. And then I think, wait a second. What does that mean?

Well, according to the article it means that

"This support has steadily weakened over the past two years, but not in ways that suggest a direct correlation between casualties and political support."

So every dead soldier does not equal ten votes against Dubya. Instead, a political scientist interviewed said that votes may depend more on a "gut check" reaction, and that their response

"will hinge on whether the public believes the Iraq war is winnable and whether the mission was worthwhile."

Part of that calculus is directly connected to the media, and whether or not it covers that topic this week, and how it is covered. As a pollster for Kerry puts it:

"Bush does not frequently mention casualties, and the administration has restricted news coverage of returning flag-draped caskets -- a common image of earlier conflicts."

So, back to the polls, is it that casualties aren't affecting how people vote, or that casualties are not invading their living rooms on the nightly news, and that at 1000 dead, many people have not lost someone they know?

I also wonder what are the questions asked? All that push-polling in South Carolina in the 2000 GOP primary knocked McCain out of the race. Even when it isn't push polling, how you ask a question, what order it is asked, how it is worded all affect how people answer.

And then I think, you know, no one ever calls me for these polls. Yeah, yeah, nobody has ever known anyone who has ever been called. They make two hundred phone calls and then tell us what the country thinks. (a scary thing in and of itself). What are the chances that I would be called in a "representative sample"?

Well, zero, actually. The reason being that I don't have a landline. I only have a cell phone. Which means I'm not listed in a phone book. Which means no one calls me. It's great from the telemarketer standpoint- I've never ever been called by a telemarketer- but it also means that my voice never enters these polls. In a representative sample my one voice expressing my feeling on these issues won't change much-- but am I the only person who doesn't have a landline? I can think of five other people I know, in my age group, in my education level group, in my economic bracket, and on my side of the political fence, who aren't in the phone book for just this reason. So none of us are getting called.

This is not an argument for the polls being dead wrong. Perhaps people in their late twenties and into their thirties who don't have landlines are a statistical blip and would do nothing to change the results. But how many other people are out there not being asked who will show up at their polling stations on November 2nd?

The Ministry of Truth Speaks, and Promptly Re-Punctuates!

2004-09-09T21:38:00.000-04:00

In case you haven't noticed, I am a big fan of Orwell. I recently re-read 1984, having not read it since the Reagan years (and I thought it apropos then!), which has had the result of both lodging the Eurythmics soundtrack from the movie version (starring John Hurt as Winston- fabulous movie, but only the version with that soundtrack, which has sadly-criminally!- been excised from the DVD), and of sending a horrible chill up my spine. The Patriot Act (Big Brother?), the Ministry of Love (Guantanamo?), the terror alerts (the constant low-level war with Eurasia/Eastasia), Hate Week (the convention in NY)... and, of course, the Ministry of Truth, where Winston spends his days writing and rewriting the documentation of "history."

Well the Ministry of Truth was busy this week!

Tuesday Vice Presient Dick Cheney decided that he'd had enough of this candy-ass, pinkocommie, pussy-footin' around. Who needs it! That's for pansies! And this V.P. is no wuss! He's not afraid to look war and the enemy in the face (unless the war is in Vietnam, in which case he has "other priorities"). Getting worked up on the campaign trail, the VP became the Prince of Panic, the CEO of spook, the Sultan of scare, and the Vice President in charge of scaring the pants off of anyone with a voter registration card. He laid it out at a campaign rally in Iowa like so:

"It's absolutely essential that eight weeks from today, on November 2nd, that we make the right choice, because if we make the wrong choice then the danger is that we'll get hit again. That we'll be hit in a way that will be devastating from the standpoint of the United States, and that we'll fall back into the pre-9/11 mind-set, if you will, that in fact these terrorist attacks are just criminal acts and that we're not really at war."

Huh. Well now. Besides the word "fearmongering," the other two things that immediately pop into my head are a) what, you got an in with Osama that you know this? Did they call you and say "make sure the ditsy one with the big ears stays in office, see, or the country gets it in the ribs"?; and b) Didn't the biggest attack on American soil happen while these guys were in office? Could/would Gore have prevented the attack? Seems doubtful. But at the same time, having it already happen seems like an odd foundation for claiming that only you can prevent it from happening again. Maybe they figure the odds are with them or something-- lightening striking twice and all of that (though it is a common misconception that the results of any game of chance of any affect whatsoever on the odds of the same game played again. In short, the odds that a coin will come up heads are exactly the same the second, tenth and seventeenth time, even if it has come up heads all the times in between). So with or without lucky rabbit's foot in John Ashcroft's pocket, odds is odds. (And on another note-- lucky rabbits' feet? euww).

The comment in and of itself is interesting for the rather craven appeal to alarm, and was dissed mightily from the Democratic quarters, including Madeleine Albright, who called the comment "irresponsible," and House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, who said "It is completely inappropriate, and dangerous, for the vice president to in effect threaten the American people, to be part of instilling fear into our country." It must have felt like it was getting a little hot over in the White House press room, because somebody over there seems to have realized that the Veep might have stepped over a line of some sort.

Bring on the Ministry of Truth! Quoting from the Washington Post:

In a change that highlighted the sensitivity of Cheney's statement, the White House yesterday released a revised version of the transcript of his remarks. The official transcript, posted on the White House Web site Tuesday afternoon and e-mailed to reporters, said: "(I)t's absolutely essential that eight weeks from today, on November 2nd, we make the right choice. Because if we make the wrong choice, then the danger is that we'll get hit again."

In a version released Tuesday to reporters traveling with Cheney, however, the period at the end of "hit again" was removed and replaced with a comma, which linked his blunter statement to his standard stump language expressing concern that future attacks would be treated as "just criminal acts, and that we're not really at war."

Yesterday, the transcript on the White House Web site was altered to make Cheney's remarks one sentence. Cheney's White House spokesman, Kevin Kellems, issued a statement saying that the first official transcript "contained a typographical error" and was an "interim draft." "These types of corrections are not uncommon in the transcription of verbal statements," Kellems said. "The final transcript accurately reflects the statement as delivered, which is clear when watching video of the event."

Okay, this is a little bit of punctuation-parsing, to be sure. And who knows if it matches the video of the performance (where, presumably, the Veep would state "Period." or "Comma." Since the WH folks seem to think it will be that clear in the video. Of course this raises the question of whether or not the video matters- did reporters get the comment from the live performance? If they got it from the transcript that was sent to reporters, as I suspect, then the first draft they got is the speech in a creepy, history controlling way. And, thus, rewriting the transcript (which sounds odd in an of itself-- doesn't a transcript imply no editing?) is an attempt to change the event, the script and 'history.') And, interestingly, the comma doesn't really change the fact that the VP is trying to scare people into voting for his party. He is not offering anything like a rationale, or a record of success, or anything else that might be worthy of voting on: he's just trying to make people pee their pants in fear and dread. This is the national election equivalent to your mother telling you that Santa's elves are watching you, and if you don't behave and do what she says, you're not getting jack for Christmas. It's a threat-- but unless all those conspiracy theories out there are right (you know, Lee Harvey Oswald didn't act alone, he was accompanied by someone from the Saudi royal family, who then slipped Ngo Dinh Diem an exploding cigar, which explains why people buy Hummers), it looks a bit like an empty threat. Like your mother and the Christmas presents. Sure the elves are watching. Hell, Santa is watching. Santa's wagging her finger at you and looks just like your mom. But come Christmas she will be helpless to prevent herself from getting you those Christmas presents. In the same way that I assume Cheney has no control over whether or not there will be an attack if Kerry wins. So it's an empty threat. Except your mom did it out of love (and from your having stretched her patience beyond the limit.) Cheney, who according to the Weekly World News, best.tabloid.ever., is a robot, does not do this from love. Like the Tinman in the Wizard of Oz, I'm sure he wishes he had a heart. Apparently it grieves him so much that he has to curse everyone out.

Oh yes, and the Batboy is going to be knighted. It's almost as weird as the whole Reverand Moon gets crowned in Congress as the grand poobah and the messiah and whatever the hell other titles he bought. Except that the Reverand Moon thing really happened. No shit.

But back to Orwell:

"For the moment he had shut his ears to the remoter noises and was listening to the stuff that streamed out of the telescreen. It appeared that there had even been demonstrations to thank Big Brother for raising the chocolate ration to twenty grammes a week. And only yesterday, he reflected, it had been announced that the ration was to be reduced to twenty grammes a week. Was it possible that they could swallow that, after only twenty-four hours? Yes, they swallowed it."

Sad milestones

2004-09-09T20:52:00.000-04:00

The number of American soldiers killed in Iraq has hit and passed the 1000 mark. The NYTimes has posted a visual database of each soldier. It is awful and important; both too much information, and not nearly enough. Take a moment to look at it and contemplate the lives that have been lost. And remember to contemplate the Iraqis that have also died in this conflict: some may have been enemies, but many were just people trying to live their lives, put food on their tables, go to school, raise families. And there are at least ten thousand of them who are gone. Here's hoping that the powers that be will see the rising death rates, and will learn from lessons taught in Southeast Asia. Here's hoping that this doesn't have to happen 54 more times before someone spells out quagmire.

President Bush continues battle with the English language

2004-09-07T21:13:00.001-04:00

For those of you who haven't seen/heard the latest Bushism (uttered at a rally that was not the traditional Labor Day talk with unions), you can either read about it in an article of the above title, or you can watch the video. Yes he really did say that.

Not only does that send my WTF meter off the charts, but it it also sends my irony detector way up as well. In a speech clearly designed to take a solid swipe at Edwards while bringing in the female fear factor (yes, ladies, without me protecting your OB from John Edwards, you'll have to give birth by yourself in the woods while chomping on birch tree leaves to deaden the pain), he sympathizes with OB-GYNs who will have to go out of business because of malpractice insurance costs, and who then won't be able to do something that I believe is illegal in all fifty states, and would get them sued for malpractice.

WTF? And please, I am looking for entries on what exactly was the word he was supposed to say? Then doctors won't be able to practice their.... golf?

But as long as one of Karl Rove's pet causes is being raised over and over and over, (oh that Rovie!) we might as well take a look-see. Since it is clearly a 'campaingn issue', the fact that some doctors have gotten out of the doctoring business (OB-GYNs in particular, so whatever confusion our War President has over exactly what all that gynocology stuff is all about, he is right that malpractice insurance is coming down particularly hard on this group) is an interesting and important point. But linking it to personal injury lawsuits (the kind of lawsuits that Edwards was very successful at) would only be interesting were a) these things at all linked; b) if protecting businesses (like the abestos industry which has known since the 1930s that their product was giving their employees cancer) in which they are involved from personal injury cases; c) this wasn't being offered in lieu of a universal health care plan that didn't involve all of us having to save for our health care (see posting below) and d) this weren't a cheap and deceptive shot at their opponent.

So here's the skinny. Malpractice lawsuits and malpractice insurance:

"Reducing malpractice premiums would have little effect on rising health care costs and health insurance premiums. Malpractice premiums account for less than one percent of national health care expenditures. In analyzing malpractice legislation passed by the House last year, H.R. 4600, the Congressional Budget Office (CBO) found that health insurance premiums would decrease by less than half of one percent."

and

"The recent rise in malpractice premiums is primarily caused by an unfortunately predictable insurance cycle, not the legal system....Insurers have begun to increase malpractice premiums again to compensate for the low premiums in the 1990s and to adjust to lower investment returns (from lower interest rates and the drop in the stock market)."

and

"There has not been an excessive amount of malpractice litigation in recent years. According to data collected by the National Association of Insurance Commissioners, the number of new malpractice claims decreased from 90,212 in 1995 to 86,480 in 2000."

Hmmm. So insurance rates aren't going up because of medical malpractice lawsuits, they are going up because of 'the market' (interest rates & the stock market). The free market at work: insurance companies are letting 'the market' 'balance itself' by raising rates. So if you want to know why malpractice insurance is rising don't ask a litigation lawyer, ask your favorite supply-sider!

These stats all came from a government website run by Senator Byron Dorgan, and the stats named in the initial quote is from the bi-partisan CBO. So this info is, you know, available at the White House. I know Senator Dorgan is a Democrat and all, but still- couldn't someone from the CBO have slipped the pres a little "love" in the form of an info packet?

But wait! When you've got such a multi-tasking straw man, you might as well roll it out for everything! Sue-happy Senator Edwards isn't just raising health insurance costs, he's apparently the cause of job losses as well! I'm starting to see a pattern here... a world of mis-blaming! Saddam is responsible for 9/11 despite all evidence to the contrary, and lawsuits are what caused this administration to be the first since Hoover to not create a single job. Wait a second- is Dubya being sued? Did I miss something?

By the way, for those among us who thought the whole not-so-swift veterans for yachts and lies had a vaguely familiar ring (like Swift-boat-vets rhymes with either Willie Horton or Lee Atwater), you're right. WP has an interesting article on the topic. Just don't let Kerry near a tank.

On a final note, Bob Graham (the Florida senator and former head of the Sentate Intellegence Committee) states in his newly released book that he was informed by Tommy Franks that crucial support for the war in Afghanistan was pulled out in mid-February 2002 in order to prep for invading the other country that was not harboring the guy who orchestrated 9/11.

Patriotic Criticism

2004-09-04T10:31:00.000-04:00

Just a quick thought for the weekend:

"To announce that there should be no criticism of the president, or that we are to stand by the president, right or wrong, it is not only unpatriotic and servile, but it is morally treasonable to the American people." -- Theodore Roosevelt

Thoughtful Dissent is Patriotic-- be a patriot!

2004-09-03T20:14:00.000-04:00

Our fearless leader, who could hardly be seen beneath the metaphorical flag he wrapped himself in, began his speech by invoking 9/11. Not exactly surprising-- he just "happens" to be in New York, where there just "happened" to have been a huge attack, at a time when he "happened" to be president. Not that this adds up to anything like, say, using the pain and fear of the backdrop to one's advantage. Not a bit of it-- these guys are all totally stand up fellahs who never tell fibs. Ever. Honest.

He made an number of interesting points. Let's see....

Early on he invoked the now patron saint of the GOP, Ronald Reagan, by saying that Ronnie's

"spirit of optimism and good will and decency are in this hall and are in our hearts and will always define our party."

Which made me pause to wonder if he was talking about the good will example of firing the air traffic controlers, or the decency of the Iran-Contra affair? Or was it the good will of supporting Ferdinand Marcos and the decency of ignoring HIV/AIDS? Maybe it was just the wisdom of the man who declared that "facts are stupid things." Whichever one it was, the hall was buzzing with it!

In explaining his approach to education, Bush told us that: "... every child can learn and every school must teach..." which sure clears things up- because I was starting to wonder what the hell the schools were supposed to be doing! Now I know- teach! And all this time I thought schools were were housing sweat shops for Kathy Lee Gifford's clothing lines. But that's Central America- silly me!

On the Medicare issue, which considering the poor reception of the drug coverage (confusing, frustrating, and probably going to cost us all a heap of dough - $500 billion- without covering everybody for every drug) Bush declared that "Soon every senior will be able to get prescription drug coverage, and nothing will hold us back." I'm a little fuzzy on who the 'us' in this sentence is. Bush is not a senior. So who is he throwing his lot in with? Wait, I have an inkling of a memory coming from the back of my brain... something about the prescription drug bill precluding the ability of the government to bargain with drug companies over the prices seniors will pay for their prescriptions. Something about how the drug industry, one of the most profitable in the world, is going to make a mint from this prescription drug bill. Something like that. But I just can't figure it out-- who is he referring to as 'us'? Obviously he wasn't referring to the pinkocommie who made the ridiculous remark "Under our health care plan Medicare will negotiate lower drug prices for seniors."

"I've tried to comfort Americans who lost the most on September the 11th: .." whoop, one more time.

And then there are the tax cuts: "we unleashed that energy with the largest tax relief in a generation. " Would that be "largest" in the sense of dollars back to the top 1% income earners, or was there another critera for categorizing it as a whopper?

Suddenly I came upon this statement: " To create jobs, we will make our country less dependent on foreign sources of energy. " And I felt myself being whisked back in time, across the boundless miles of New England, where I heard the voice of a Tinman who wanted to be a real woodsman, who could say things with the real heartfelt enthusiasm of a cowboy! Here's what the little guy said: "...our energy plan will invest in new technologies and alternative fuels and the cars of the future, so that no young American in uniform will ever be held hostage to our dependence on oil from the Middle East." I didn't know his first name was Simon- I thought it was John!

" Three days after September the 11th, I stood where Americans died, in the ruins of the twin towers. " Oh, there it is again...

Boldly ignoring the doctrine of the separation of church and state, Bush declared: " Because religious charities provide a safety net of mercy and compassion, our government must never discriminate against them. " (the "when we are doling out big money" at the end was implied rather than stated).

" We knew Saddam Hussein's record of aggression and support for terror. We knew his long history of pursuing, even using, weapons of mass destruction. And we know that September the 11th requires our country to think differently. " whoo! Ten points for that slick conflation of Iraq, Saddam, and 9/11-- it's almost like they are actually connected or something!!!!

As usual, the GOP provided an amazingly on-message spectacle. Even the crowd was on-message:

AUDIENCE: Boo.

BUSH: When asked to explain his vote, the senator said, "I actually did vote for the $87 billion, before I voted against it."

AUDIENCE: Flip-flop. Flip-flop. Flip-flop.

"My fellow Americans, for as long as our country stands, people will look to the resurrection of New York City and they will say: Here buildings fell, and here a nation rose." On a roll, baby!

Senator Edwards was mentioned twice:

"And we must protect small-business owners and workers from the explosion of frivolous lawsuits that threaten jobs across our country."
"I've met too many good doctors, especially OB/GYNs, who are being forced out of practice because of the high cost of lawsuits. "

"Do I forget the lessons of September 11th and take the word of a madman (Saddam)..." There it is again! Another ten points! Amazing the way he can just lump them together as if they have any-bloody-thing whatsoever to do with each other!

There were some emergent themes to the speech. One that team Bush seems to be calling "ownership society", but which those of us not linked to the campaign might call privitization. It is a favorite theme among those who call for small government, and those who wish to shrink government "down to the size where you could drown it in a bathtub." Which also may be the same people who "holds court while variously sitting on a giant red plastic ball, eating tuna from a can, rubbing his feet against a massager and sniffing hand lotion as he kneads it into his fingers... excuses himself to go to "the ladies room"", and owns what he hopes is the world's largest collection of air sickness bags. But there's nothing at all odd or worrisome about the ideas of a guy who collects objects designed specifically to hold vomit, or anything. (eeww).

Anyway, privitization cropped up a few times, first in the form of "health savings accounts." We were also told that we need no longer worry about whether or not Social Security will be there, because the market will take care of it! "We must strengthen Social Security by allowing younger workers to save some of their taxes in a personal account, a nest egg you can call your own and government can never take away." Isn't it amazing how removing a program from the public trust and public control will "strengthen" it? And all this time, I'd been thinking it would be "gutted". Now I see the error of my ways! Instead, "In an ownership society, more people will own their health plans and have the confidence of owning a piece of their retirement. " That way the burden of paying for these things is shifted off of your employers' shoulders- and on to yours! Wow, that sounds like a sure thing! I'm sure that if we "...build an ownership society,... (then) ownership brings security and dignity and independence." It's so much better when society tells me to shove it! I feel so independent and secure and dignified! So that's what he meant when he said that "In all these proposals, we seek to provide not just a government program, but a path, a path to greater opportunity, more freedom and more control over your own life." It's not like the government would be yanking the social safety net out from under me by selling off my public retirement plan and health care plans to the lowest bidder-- I'd be getting more control over my own life. Whew, that's a relief!

Well no turning back, except to mention that "In the heart of this great city, we saw tragedy arrive on a quiet morning...." now on to the future!

And that future apparently involves being "hopeful," "safer" and with all kinds of "freedom" and "liberty."

"We will build a safer world and a more hopeful America, and nothing will hold us back."
"I am running for president with a clear and positive plan to build a safer world and a more hopeful America."
"In our world, and here at home, we will extend the frontiers of freedom."
"Generations will know if we seized this moment and used it to build a future of safety and peace. The freedom of many and the future security of our nation now depend on us. "
" By promoting liberty abroad, we will build a safer world. By encouraging liberty at home, we will build a more hopeful America. "
" Like generations before us, we have a calling from beyond the stars to stand for freedom. " Wow! He's even getting calls from Captain Kirk!

For a speech where 9/11 was invoked so often, I was a little surprised to see how few times Osama bin Forgotten, er, Laden, was mentioned. Like zero times. Other words came up a few times, like terror/terrorists (16), freedom (16), liberty (11), safe/safer/safety (10), strength/strengthen/strengthening (9), threat (5), Saddam (5)....

Hmmm. Saddam was mentioned five times. 9/11 was mentioned five times. What a coincidence. Al Qaida was mentioned three times, but the Baathists were only mentioned.... well, never. Along with Osama. Wait, now I'm having a hard time remembering--- wasn't Osama the head of the, uh, the Baathists? And now that the Afghan women can vote, then Saddam is a madman in a spiderhole who had to be caught because of the lessons from 9/11. Did I get it right?

He rounded up the evening by mentioning that he had some faults-- hey, when he told the reporter "I'm sure something will pop into my head here..... I don't want to sound like I've made no mistakes. I'm confident I have. I just haven't -- you just put me under the spot here, and maybe I'm not as quick on my feet as I should be in coming up with one."-- he wasn't kidding! Im glad to see that since that April 13th press conference, something finally did pop into his head.

After mentioning his English language disabilities, he stated "Some folks look at me and see a certain swagger, which in Texas is called "walking." Now and then I come across as a little too blunt, and for that we can all thank the white-haired lady sitting right up there."

Please add your suggestions for rephrasing below.

"I wish I was over there, where I could get a little closer up into your face."

2004-09-02T20:07:00.000-04:00

Okay, the most important news of the day is that the ever-testy states of the former Yugoslavia have found the answer to regional peace: kung fu.

In the meantime, for those of us who recall the days when Ronnie and Maggie were awfully chummy, a fact that had some of us hiding beneath our beds waiting for nuclear winter, might be interested to know that one of the dear Lady's son's has shown a recent propensity for, ahem, politics. African politics, anyway. Lady Thatcher has apparently paid a pretty penny to get her spirited sprog out of the fix he's gotten himself into. Though sending mercenaries to overthrow governments might be a step up from breaking the neighbor's window with a poorly aimed cricket at-bat.

Speaking of wastral off-spring old enough to know better, there is an article in Salon today. (you can get into Salon by watching the ads if you aren't a subscriber) It is well worth reading, and has some rather interesting descriptions about a certain wearer of flight suits in his mid-twenties, such as:

"After about a month I asked Jimmy what was Georgie's job, because I couldn't figure it out. I never saw him do anything...."

"But then no one understood why he brought this young guy from Texas along. It was like, 'Who was this guy who comes in late and leaves early? ..."

There is also a fair amount of property trashed, public urination, obscenities yelled at police officers, and a passive agressive temper tantrum aimed at the family matriarch. As my own mother pointed out, most people have grown out of such behavior by the time they are twenty-six.

Speaking of which, tonight is the night when the PoTUS will bless us all with his deep thoughts. I'm still reeling from last night's speeches. After much discussion, some handwringing and a whole lotta GOP gloating, Zell Miller delivered his keynote address at the RNC last night. Indeed, one might think that this was just a lack of familiarity with the Yankee capitols of New York and Boston, but anyone who has taken a gander at Miller's record would realize that he is a Joe Lieberman kinda Democrat. You know, a Republican. So the 'coup' of getting a "Democrat" to speak at the RNC isn't much of a coup if you bother to check the record. But on to the speech!

Some of the highlights looked like this:

"Motivated more by partisan politics than by national security, today's Democratic leaders see America as an occupier, not a liberator.

And nothing makes this Marine madder than someone calling American troops occupiers rather than liberators.

Tell that to the one-half of Europe that was freed because Franklin Roosevelt led an army of liberators, not occupiers."

Perhaps Senator Miller could explain why he thinks Europe needs to be "told" that America is occupying Iraq? Earth to Senator Miller-- they know! Guess what else? The war in Iraq could hardly be more different from World War II!

But nevermind, we'll leave the finer points of that historical argument, and move on to a decidedly more interesting one: Senator Miller's claim that Kerry would be so lax on security as to virtually invite terrorists to take up roost in the Capitol building. " And no pair has been more wrong, more loudly, more often than the two Senators from Massachusetts, Ted Kennedy and John Kerry." Well, now that is a strong claim! There are lots of pairs out there in Washington making some serious mistakes! So if you got some proof pardner, why don't you (ahem) Bring. It. On.

The proof that Senator Miller offers is to assert that Kerry voted against funding the B-1 bomber, the B-2 bomber, the F-14 A and F-14 D fighter jets, the F-15 and Apache helicopters. This supported the claims later on in the night made by the VP that "During the 1980s, Senator Kerry opposed Ronald Reagan's major defense initiatives that brought victory in the Cold War." Both of these claims are dismantled in an article published today in Slate, where Fred Kaplan shows the lie to these claims: "Kerry did not vote to kill these weapons, in part because none of these weapons ever came up for a vote, either on the Senate floor or in any of Kerry's committees."

Now there is fudging the edges, and then there is just not telling the truth. The claim was laid down that Kerry voted against funding these weapons: but there were no votes. So how did he vote against a vote that didn't happen? Either a) some people were lying like rugs last night; or b) this is actually an indictment against Kerry for an assumed thoughtcrime; or c) both. (Big Brother can see and hear you) The Slate article is an important one, and worth the time to read it, even if (especially if) you or someone you know hasn't seen it yet. They may be lying about someone else, but they are lying to you.

On the elephantile deflation note of the evening, the Zell Miller coup may in fact have turned out to be not as useful as initially reported. Yes, he calls himself a "Democrat" and he is voting for Dubya. But he's also a frigging box of museli: all nuts, fruits and flakes. After the convention the Senator went on the air to discuss his speech with MSNBC's Chris Matthews. There was clearly a mic-feed problem and the 72-year old senator was both on a delay and appeared to be having problems hearing, but he also came off as having far fewer sandwiches then could rightly be called a picnic. He became quite agitated by Matthews' questioning style (which is closer to the Bill O'Reilly shut up than to the Oprah tell me what you think), and threatened a couple of times to quit the interview. He also answered many of Matthews' questions with talking points that were not at all related. Finally he just got downright ornery, telling him he wished he were in the studio because then he "could get a little closer up into your face," and then telling Matthews "I wish we lived in the day where you could challenge a person to a duel." Uhhhh, Senator, that whole dueling thing didn't work out so hot for Alexander Hamilton you know. One wonders if it would be pistols or sabers.

So the final word on Zell Miller and the RNC: yeah, y'all got yourselves a Democrat alright, but what does it say when the only guy you could get to cross party lines is, as the Irish say, a bit touched?

Finally, I just have to point out that even claiming to have Britney Spear's used gum, even for the purpose of making money on e-Bay, is just gross.

Governors who call other people Girly-men are doo-doo-heads

2004-09-01T20:24:00.000-04:00

The WP had an article about Tom Brokaw's coverage of the RNC, this being the final convention of his career. The article begins with Bush's Brain giving Brokaw the talking points, and then launches into the anchor's frustrations at having so little time to talk issues on prime time, saying:

"God forbid there should be any fight over a platform. It's done in a secret vault five days before the convention starts. Delegates on the floor, either by instinct or instruction, are encoded not to say anything that will be off-message in any way."

On-messages tonight will be given by The Knave of No-Bid Contracts and "Democrat" Zell Miller who will give the keynote. Hmmm, is it possible the Georgian didn't have a good map? One wonders what his other personality- the one that keeps checking Democrat on all the forms- will do to while away the time while the other one talks tonight.

Tonight's speakers are apparently the "conservatives (who) will take center stage tonight", though Jerry Falwell, who is attending the convention, has not been asked to speak. I guess the speeches are meant to be in contrast to last night's "moderate" tone. The Governator said girly-man more times than anyone at any convention before and told his sad tale of woe in which he came to Cal-ee-fooohh-nee-aahh in 1968 with no money in his pockets, and that this made him feel the pain of Guatemalan immigrants. What is the appropriate response when an elected official calls you and your ilk girly-men? Do you call him a doo-doo head? Do you tell the principle? Obviously you don't ask the man who can bench press a Volkswagon to meet you at the flagpole. Meanwhile, the twins gave a tag-team speech that put sex and their grandmother in the same sentence, made everyone feel squeamish and oogie, and showed that they are, indeed, chips of the old block. Forcing a large room full of people to feel really uncomfortable while your daughters make inappropriate sex jokes must be how they prove that they are, like their signs and banners say, "People of Compassion." Perhaps the twins confused compassion with plain old passion?

At least one "Person of Compassion" seems not to have gotten the update about the new compassionate "message." Alan Keyes, carpetbagger extraordinare, declared on Monday that all gays and lesbians are "selfish hedonists." When asked if that would include Mary Cheney, the Vice Presidential daughter, he insisted that it would, "by definition." One more message of compassion from the GOP! These guys are practically Mother Teresa!!

On a final note, there were several protests of note. Among them were peace activist Medea Benjamin got into MSG, who managed to unfurl a banner during the Governator's speech saying "Pro-life: Stop The Killing in Iraq"; thousands of people out for the People for the American Way, who lined up silently and single file along Broadway waving pink slips to represent the millions who have lost their jobs; and the Billionaires for Bush, who proved to be quite photogenic.

"Just a little more budonkadunk, and then I would be good"

2004-08-31T21:10:00.000-04:00

I've noticed that in the last few weeks the NYTimes has gone all what I can only call onomatopeic, utilizing vocabularly like budonkadunk and declarations of the ability to "straight up, ping-on, ting-on, ping-on, ting-on, ping-tong-tong-ping-tong-pong" that I might have imagined taking the starch out of the founding Misters Jones and Raymonds' shirts. This is, after all, the paper that refers to all persons as Mr. or Ms. or Mrs., even if they are L'il Kim or P Diddy. Maybe they are lightening up a bit.

I know the convention is the big news of the week, but it seems like such a yawn of an affair- even if they insist on introducing everyone as though they are a guest on Saturday Night Live. There was a minor stir as Michael Moore arrived at the convention ready to cover the gala affair for USAToday. Senator McCain sniped at the jolly documentarian, calling him "disingenuous." One wonders what the definition of "disingenuous" is at the RNC, where many of the more conservative voices of the party, and many of the big drivers behind the anti-gay fever and other big steps to the right have been asked to zip it and sit on their hands. Is that being genuine?

Some of the convention "news" has bordered on (or into) the insipid, such as the headlines that Laura Bush "hails Bush on his leadership." As if we were expecting her to stand up and say he's dumb as rocks and couldn't lead a boy scout troop. Now if she's said that...

Actually, I think one of the bigger news points was when our fearless leader declared that the war on terror could not be won. Has the veil fallen away? But within mere hours he was assuring veterans that "we will win... the war on terror." Wait a second, why do only veterans get assurances? What about the rest of us??? Ah, but then he recanted for us all, declaring that the cowboy in the white hat would indeed save the day. Why do I suddenly have images in my head of pancakes? And, and, and summer by the diving board? And, and, and... beach wear?
Phew, don't know what brought that on...

On a final note, David Brooks, Washington-based op-ed writer for the NYTimes, posted an encomium to the GOP's "courageous conservatives" in today's edition entitled "The Courage Factor." He appears to be attempting to counter the view that the conservatives are being asked to stay quiet and let the "moderates" speak so that they can lull undecideds into thinking they aren't really all that bad. (Pwah!). In doing so he declares that Giuliani, Schwarzenegger and McCain aren't being given prime time slots because they are "moderates," but "because they are brave."

Uhhhh... I will grant you McCain. But Schwartzeneggar? I think someone has been watching too many Terminator movies. He goes on to say that their being "obsessed with character" and "self-conficen(ce) in their beliefs" equals "courage." So apparently Ahhhnold is brave for marrying a woman from a famously Democratic family, stating in magazine interviews that he had had group sex with other men, and then coming out of the closet as a Republican. (roll eyes here).

Beware the Soviet Bats

2004-08-30T20:29:00.000-04:00

Well, of course the big story of the weekend is the protests in New York. The unbiased media reported numbers are slowly growing, from the 'tens of thousands' reported by Fox, to the 200,000 reported this morning in the NYTimes and in the Washington Post, to numbers that are now creeping up towards 400,000. I was glad to see there were a whole lotta folks out and about, and that arrests were low in number.

This was not, however, the only news item up today, for Wonkette had a collection of protestors of a different ilk, all with reference to the recent brouhaha stirred up by the Flip-Flopping and Not-so-Swift Veterans for Re-Electing A Guy Who Wasn't There At All. My vote for best of the bunch are the Cheerleaders for Truth.

Meanwhile, Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert, the erstwhile high school wrestling coach, publicly stated yesterday that George Soros could have gotten his money from "drug groups," implying that the deep pockets of the Open Society Institute is eastern Europe's answer to the Cali drug cartel's Gilberto Rodriguez. I mean I'm sure George has a lawyer on staff that he could ask, but is it not possible that this is, you know, libel or something? Remember, this is the Speaker of the House making these statements. I think he might be a war or two behing: the war on drugs was so 1980s (and so Reagan/Oliver North). Uh, Speaker Hastert, we're less worried about narco-terrorists now (even if we are the major source of funds for the Columbian military)- now it's Muslim fundamentalist terrorists. Guess somebody forgot to call in for the talking points today.... I hear it's even a toll free call. To be fair, George Soros does appear to have gained $1bn of his fortune from currency speculation on the British pound. But it's a hell of a lot nicer than bilking little old ladies. You know, like a certain "publisher" who donates heaps of dollars to the GOP and their nomimee. For an explanation check out this handy chart.

There was an article in the WP with the headline "Bush's Leadership style: Decisive or simplistic?" Hmmm, now that's a tough one.... Please add your subtitles for this article into the comments below.

Finally, there is a great posting on Crooked Timber from yesterday entitled Load the Flying Bats, which begs, asks and only sort of answers the question of what life must be like if you seem to believe armed simulated Soviet bats with homosexual tendancies are "the closest thing to reality that I’ve ever experienced." Apparently they make your feet wet. Yuck. If you want to see what he's seeing with that VR helmet on, you can either enter the fine senator's brain, or just eat a lot of mushrooms.

2004-08-29T12:04:00.000-04:00

I was reading the Washington Post this morning and came across this startling headline:

Conservatives for Kerry? Here's your man An Old Nixon Hand Smacks the Bushes.

What? old hands smacking bush? Kiddie porn and spanking? What is going on here? I was only slightly disappointed to discover that there was no leather involved, but it does have Kevin Phillips, the former Nixon aide, saying he would like to "put Bush on a slow boat to China with all full warning to the Chinese submarine fleet." He does, however, "pucker like he has inhaled a pickle," which is almost as good as S&M.

There is also an article entitled Pakistan Losing Grip on Extremists, which to me begs the question of when, exactly, the Pakistanis had a grip on extremists. The WP explains this by saying that:

The development is a disquieting one, foreign diplomats said, because it suggests that Pakistan's security services may be losing control over home-grown militants they once embraced as allies, first in the struggle against the Soviets in Afghanistan and more recently against Indian forces in Kashmir.

So the "grip" in question is the "embrace" of allies? So are we supposed to happy or scared that Pakistan is no longer embracing extremists or gripping their allies? Is that what you are supposed to do with allies? Maybe this explains that picture of Rummy gripping paws with the erstwhile King of the Spider Hole. Wait a second, was that having a grip on extremists, or embracing an ally? Wait a second, is it possible that an unelected, undemocratic and cruel dictator was once an ally? Pshaw, never happen- we don't support dictators! Especially ones that come into power by military coups! Except for Musharraf. Wait a second, how did he become an ally? Well, whatever, we must embrace our allies! The enemy of my enemy is my friend, and the friend of my friend is, uh, my friend, too! So the anti-Soviet fighters in Afghanistan (the enemy of my enemy) were my embraced allies, and the friend of my friend (the embraced ally friend of my friend Pakistan) are also my friends. But wait, those friends are running shadowy organizations in the hills of Afghanistan, and I'm now friends with the Soviets, er, Russians, so they are the enemy of the friend and the friend of my friend, who has lost his grip. Uh, down with shadowy organizations, they are bastions of extremists! And you will see by my clear and concise logic that Pakistan has lost its grip on the White House lawyers.